One Small Thing

I love a fresh start, and I hate that I am the nine millionth person to say something like that this week. Even though it's cliche, it's been on my mind, so it seemed like the right thing to share.

The trouble with fresh starts is that they lead to monotonous, middle-of-the-road plateaus. When I was teaching it felt so good to start off the year with a clean room, organized desk, and aspirations for implementing all that I'd learned over the summer. But by November I was falling into the same clutter-magnet habits and contemplating how many of the 900 items on my list I could check off by 3:15 midnight.

It's funny how quickly normal life chips away at dreams and goals. This fear of not reaching a goal and feeling like a failure paralyzes a perfectionist like me. My best intentions are obliterated by my "everything has to change right now" mentality. So when it comes to eating elephants, I agree with the saying that it happens "one bite at a time."

Here I am, at the start of 2015, ready to try one small thing at a time. So instead of looking at how big of a mess my house is, I'm honing in on this problem I have with dishes. They appear out of nowhere, caked with yuck, towering in piles on the counter. One small thing I'm trying is to empty the clean dishes out of the dishwasher first thing in the morning. That's it.

When it comes to breastfeeding, I dream of change on a macro level where moms don't have to fight a battle to nurse their newborns because they have an extensive support system of friends, family, and knowledgeable medical professionals who can give them accurate advice about breastfeeding.

Talk about a ginormous elephant.

I can't make that change happen overnight. But I can do one small thing. I'm going to start reaching out to new moms I know, just to touch base with them after baby comes. Not to apply pressure. Not to coerce them to breastfeed. Just to say, "Hey, I know this isn't easy. If you need advice, or just need to vent, I am here!"

I feel confident that this small thing could lead to another and before long, the elephant will be history.

You Can Lead a Horse to Milk...

Today's post ambles a bit. I know it may seem at first glance that poverty alleviation work in Honduras and Ohio don't seem to be related to breastfeeding, but if you're willing to keep reading, I'll get there. I promise.

Homemade corn tortillas?
Yes please!

Four years ago my husband and I took a trip with a ministry called Heart to Honduras. Since then we've made it a priority to learn more about healthy ways to get involved in community development. The too-quick summary of asset based community development (ABCD) is twofold:

1. Poverty is about broken relationships, not just about money. This means every single one of us is impoverished in some way in our lives.

2. Healthy, sustainable, long-term development starts with looking at assets and working in partnership to build on those assets.

Before my first trip to Honduras, I went to the doctor for a check-up. When I told him about the trip we were planning, he scoffed. "Honduras?! To build a house? For crying out loud. People go down there all the time year after year to build houses. And there's always more to build. Why do these people still need us to build houses for them?"

At the time I was incredibly offended by his insensitive remarks. But years later it's clear that his frustration makes sense. If I continue to throw money and time at a problem and it isn't resolved, wouldn't that indicate I need to try something different? What kind of message am I sending to people I'm "helping" when I say: "Hey, just take a step back, I'll be able to fix this wayyyyy better than you can." What am I believing then about that person's value or their competence?

Kaleb and Naun slashing that grass

Since that first trip I've been able to spend time in Las Lomitas, Honduras, not fixing or building or teaching, but simply being and learning. When I was simply present I learned how to grind corn into cornmeal and make tortillas. My friend learned how to mow the soccer field with a machete. Roasting delicious, fresh-picked coffee beans, crafting jewelry from trash, maintaining a clean home with only erratic running water... Once I stopped scratching the itch to always be fixing it was so much easier to move from a deficit focus to an asset-based one.

I've learned a lot about ABCD over the past few years, but time and again I'm reminded of how much I have yet to learn. Recently I overheard a conversation a friend of mine, Tracy, was having with someone in our poverty alleviation group here in the states. Let's call this other person Andrew. Andrew was venting about an issue one of his kids was having at school. It was clear he was frustrated with the teachers there. In fact, it seemed like he was frustrated about a lot of things. Tracy gently asked him if he had considered talking with the school counselor. "She doesn't help with stuff like this," he replied shortly. Tracy responded with sympathy and continued to listen.

What!? I exclaimed in my head. As a former teacher I knew that the school counselor would, in fact, help with this issue. I can't believe Tracy isn't telling Andrew how to contact her! I mulled that conversation over in my head for days. How on earth did she have the patience to sit there and listen when she knew the solution to the problem? More importantly....why?

I played out an alternate scenario in my head. One in which I kindly corrected Andrew and gave him some advice about how to approach the counselor, as well as a few other resources on the issue at hand. In this hypothetical conversation, I even shared a personal story about a student I'd had in second grade who had dealt with this very situation and how I helped the family resolve it.

Believe it or not, the scene didn't end in my head with Andrew showering me with gratitude for sharing my wisdom. It didn't end with him contacting the school guidance counselor.

It ended abruptly when he politely listened to me ramble, then completely shut down. As my imagination moved forward, in the future weeks he would greet me every Tuesday night, but wouldn't ever share what was really on his mind. He wouldn't ever again trust me enough to be vulnerable with me.

And it dawned on me: Tracy had played this scene out in her mind before. Heck, maybe she'd even made a few mistakes along the way and lived it out: the dispensation of advice, the taciturn response, the loss of trust. Tracy knew this wasn't true development.

Tracy listened and empathized because she's in it for the long haul. She's patiently backing up far enough to see the whole picture. She's not trying to fix one problem today, she's trying to be a small part of sustainable development in a person's life over time. She recognized that Andrew didn't need advice at that moment.

He needed a friend.

You get your milk from where? 3 Myths about milk-sharing

On May 10th I felt lucky to participate in the Best for Babes 1st Nation Wide Milk Walk, to bring awareness to the importance of human milk and milk banks.

Why is this such an important cause? Because there are still a lot of myths and misunderstandings about milk donation.

Myth #1 - It's Weird
Donating or recieving breast milk is no more weird than pouring milk on your morning cereal. Cow milk is for baby cows, human milk is for human babies. It's just that simple.

Myth #2 - It's not safe
There are 2 ways women share milk: either through milk banks or mother to mother. When going through a milk bank there is a screening process to even become a donor, just like there is a screening process for blood banks. I have personally donated mother to mother. I expected the mom I was donating to to ask me questions about my diet. lifestyle, etc. What she told me was "I have seen you give your daughter this milk, that's enough for me." Whatever your comfort level is, there is a safe way to get milk. The argument could also be made that formula can not be safe in certain situations either. There have been numerous recalls, and if not made properly, it can be harmful.

Myth #3 - It's not Important

The WHO recommends that when it comes to feeding an infant it should be

1. breast milk from the breast
2. pumped breast milk
3. donated breast milk
4. formula

Formula is LAST. Breast milk can not be replicated. There are over 100 ingredients in human milk that are not in formula.

Human Milk Saves Lives. 500 U.S. & Canadian preemie infants die annually, and 5000 more are sickened, from Necrotizing Enterocolitis (NEC). Feeding these fragile babies human milk has been shown to reduce the risk of NEC by 79%. NEC causes indescribable anguish to babies and parents. - See more at: http://www.bestforbabes.org/miracle-milk-stroll/#sthash.DITW1i6O.dpuf



At the end of the day, I have felt a special bond with these moms that I have been able to donate my milk to. After the walk, a friend and I decided to get lunch at a local farmers market. We were both still clad with our " I make milk" and "I donate milk" stickers when a woman stopped us and said "Thank you! Because of women like you, my son is alive." Pumping is hard work and I applaud any mother who does so. Pumping for the love of a baby not your own is a gift unlike any other. I can't wait for next year's walk.

My Friend and I half way through the walk

Wordless Wednesday: A Comprehensive Approach to Breastfeeding Support

The Next Generation

When it comes to all topics breastfeeding you hear a lot of talk about "the next generation". Like I have said in previous posts, I nurse in public so that the next generation of moms will hopefully have an easier time feeding their babies without the fear of being harassed. My mom and mother-in-law both breastfed in the 80's which was not the norm back then but they did it for their children and so on. When it came time for me to breastfeed they of course were very supportive and helped me (their next generation) as much as they could because they would have loved for it to have been the norm when they were breastfeeding.

My post today is dedicated to my cousin who has really surprised me this past year when it comes to my "militant" breastfeeding.

When my 11 year old cousin (her dad is my uncle who is also my godfather) first came to see little Bee she had an interesting ritual that she would do when I would say "oh it's time to feed Bee." She would cover her eyes, run out of the room and say "I'm not looking!!!" I don't normally get up and leave the room or go hide in a corner to feed my baby, so I would just sit there and just giggle. I always wondered was it because of my boobs? You couldn't really see. Was it a modesty thing? I am still not sure, although when I was that age it was probably just a "OMG BOOBS you aren't supposed to see those."  I was like that before even when I was older. I figured that moms would just want privacy. I am glad that she was being respectful, but at the same time I didn't want her to think that to breastfeed you should go to a dark corner away from it all. But over the past year she has really grown to be comfortable with my breastfeeding and has really impressed me with her new stance and attitude towards it.

After a few times feeding Annabelle I told her that it was ok for her to stay in the room, that it wasn't anything to run away from. Eventually she would sit with me and just go about what she was doing. My proudest moment of hers was a few months ago when my uncle was teasing me (he likes to tell me to use a cover and holds up a pillow by his face all dramatic and says that I should only be giving her formula) and my cousin bursts out "DAD THAT IS THE BEST AND MOST NATURAL WAY TO FEED A BABY, GEEEEEZ!" I couldnt have been prouder!!! I joked with her mom (who is very supportive of me as well) that I had brainwashed her.

Its moments like that that make me even more excited about my choice to breastfeed loud and proud. I hope that when she is older she chooses to breastfeed and does so with the confidence that I already see in her. I know that this blog will only grow and I hope that she can look back on it when she may need help in those late hours of the night when she is at her wit's end, or that she can call me and know that I will always be there no matter what.

Know Your Rights: Pumping in the Workplace

If you're anything like me, as soon as you thought you had this breastfeeding thing in the bag, it was time to go back to work and a whole new set of challenges presented themselves. You've made the obligatory call to the boss to let them know you're returning as planned and reminded them that you are going to pump for your baby to provide the best nutrition you can for as long as you can but at least the six months recommended by the AAP and hopefully until your little's first birthday. "Absolutely. No problem!" she says then hangs up the phone. Relief.

The boss isn't the only one on your side. So is the law. 

The Department of Labor, in the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA) states that for any company with 50 plus employees: 

Employers are required to provide “reasonable break time for an employee to express breast milk for her nursing child for 1 year after the child’s birth each time such employee has need to express the milk.”

Employers are also required to provide “a place, other than a bathroom, that is shielded from view and free from intrusion from coworkers and the public, which may be used by an employee to express breast milk.”

What does this mean for you? You are protected.

Even if you don't feel like it sometimes, there is a federal law backing up your requests to go pump when you feel that you need to, when your little one usually eats, when you feel full.

The law also outlines where you should be pumping at work. Private space. Not a bathroom. Ideally a locked door but somewhere that a person can't just barge in on you.

In addition to the federal protection, twenty four states have laws protecting pumping mothers as well. All of the information on state laws regarding pumping and breastfeeding in public can be found here. 

I get that the law is on my side but what else do I have to back me up?

You can be like yours truly and walk around work saying things like, "This is a violation of pumping laws and the mother friendly worksite!" or you can have a smidge more tact. I suggest a combination of both, personally. There are actually benefits of breastfeeding to your employer. That's right. Make it about their productivity and the big-wigs may be more inclined to give you the breaks you are entitled to.

Mastitis, or as I like to call it, boob flu, can knock you out of working order for a week. Mastitis can be caused by plugged ducts which can be caused by -wait for it- not emptying the breasts frequently. It would be super unfortunate for you to miss work to nurse a bad case of mastitis that could have been avoided had your coworker just covered for you for 20 minutes so you could pump instead of complaining for 10....I digress...The bottom line is that it is a health issue for you to have regular access to a place and time to express milk.

Breastfed babies tend to get sick less so by giving a breastfeeding mother pumping breaks, an employer is essentially cutting back on sick days mom would have to take to get a sick little to the pediatrician for an ear infection, respiratory infection or other illness. Breast milk, unlike formula, is packed full of antibodies so as mom is getting over that nasty seasonal gunk going around, baby is gobbling up all sorts of defenses against it through mama's milk. Less sick days for baby = less sick days for mama = a happier and more productive employer.

I'm afraid to speak up because I'm afraid they'll treat me differently or retaliate in some way.

Guess what? The law protects against that, too! It is a violation of the FLSA for anyone to retaliate in any way against a mother who has lodged a complaint regarding violation of federal pumping laws.

Here's some great resources for the federal and state pumping and breastfeeding laws:

• Break Time For Nursing Mothers
• Breastfeeding State Laws
• File A Complaint

Don't be afraid to step up, mamas. Know your rights. Keep calm and nurse on. Til next time...