Cloudy With a Chance of Smiles

It's no secret how much I love breastfeeding and the joy it's brought me. But I've also shared before about some of my tough uphill climbs in the roller coaster journey that comes with nursing in particular, and motherhood in general. Those cloudy days are rough, especially when they can range in severity from "I'm so depressed I don't know how to function" to "I dropped the gallon of milk which exploded all over the kitchen and I want to curl into the fetal position."

If you're a mom who's in the throes of one of those cloudy haven't-showered-or-slept-in-days, will-this-hurricane-ever-end, can-I-have-my-boobs-back days/weeks/seasons, lots of hugs to you. I'm not suggesting this little list will solve all your problems, but I'm hoping I can at least give you a chance to smile while you're going through this tough time. So, without further ado...

1. Check out the Humans of New York Facebook page. Brandon photographs people as he walks the streets of NYC and interviews them. The result is often hilarious, melancholy, poignant, or just plain wonderful. His recent trip to Iran resulted in some truly amazing interviews in particular. I love scrolling through and remembering how awesome humanity is.

2. Visit 1000 Awesome Things. I love the poetry there. It inspires me to relish the little triumphs and bits of joy in my day, even when most of the minutes are tough ones.

3. Look at The Kid Should See This. Hands down my favorite blog. It can be so difficult to recharge when you're feeling less than stellar, especially when you have zero alone time. Having a helper hand you wads of toilet paper while you "go" is sometimes helpful and sometimes...not. If you and your little one(s) are on the outs, check out a video on this site together. Learning and marveling together will distract you both from your feelings of stress and help you relax and rediscover what it means to be awed and filled with wonder.

I guarantee you'll find a video here your little one will love, whether s/he's 12 months or 12 years old.
Photo courtesy of The Kid Should See This (see link above)

4. Ask for help. Now, I'm not talking about a cryptic vaguebook. And yes, I am admittedly terrible at the whole SOS thing. But if you can shoot off a text to a family member or friend (or hey, you can call them sobbing if you want, they have to love you anyway) they will jump at the chance to help, whether it's helping with laundry, coming to visit, or just telling a bad knock-knock joke.

5. Celebrate what's right. I've already talked about this before, but if you're in a season when things are grand, pretty pretty please document that grandeur. Because you know what? We humans are forgetful. When we're stuck in the muck it's like we have gratitude amnesia. Having the good stuff written down or typed out or photographed makes it easier to reference when the rainbows and unicorns have left the building. Flipping through my journal I'm reminded of my faith in God (not myself). I see good times and bad in those scribbles, and without a doubt Past Me hollers through the pages, "Hey, maybe this poop-fest won't last forever."

And you know what? Poop-fests rarely do.



What about you? What are your go to strategies for regrouping when you've run out of steam?

Relax and Enjoy the Journey

I'm a very Type A personality. Some might say I'm a bit high strung at times. I prefer intensely passionate. As a first time mom, I wanted to be sure I did everything right. Or at least what I considered to be the "right" way of doing things. Breastfeeding was especially important to me and I got a little overwhelmed with worry. Worry about feeding her enough. Worry about my supply. Worry about enough wet and dirty diapers. Worry about how long it had been since I fed her. I used a tracking app religiously for almost her entire first year of life. I needed to know (down to the minute) how long she nursed, on what side, at what time. In hindsight, it was over the top.

As time went on, I stopped worrying about some things, but my old worries were replaced by new worries. Now I worried that my supply might be slipping since my breasts didn't feel as firm, especially as she went longer between feedings. I worried that she would never learn to sleep on her own without nursing to sleep. I worried that she would hate solid food and want to nurse forever. Okay, some days I still worry about that one.

As I talk with new moms about their breastfeeding concerns and worries, I see that so many moms worry about common things that are usually just sapping our already low supply of energy. With all the Booby Traps out there, it's easy to get caught up in a cycle of self-doubt and worry. After nursing for 17 months (and still going strong!), I've learned many things. One of the most important things I've learned is that most of the time, the fears are unfounded and a waste of time and precious energy. Are there some women who will legitimately have struggles with low supply or baby gaining "enough" weight? Sure. But these tend to be the exception, not the rule.

For most women, we can breastfeed our nurslings knowing that we are giving them everything they need. Instead of worrying about potential problems, enjoy the journey of breastfeeding. Each and every day is special, and we never know which one will be the last. So enjoy every aspect of your breastfeeding journey. Your hurdle might be the success story that another mama needs to get past the same thing. And remember...

Source

Celebrate What's Right

When I began my breastfeeding adventure over a year ago, I was unprepared for the roller coaster highs and lows it would bring. The reason I contribute to this blog is because I want to come alongside moms in encouraging each other, commiserating with one another, and sharing our experiences so we can all know better and do better. This last purpose is why we have loads of troubleshooting tips here, here, here, and here.

One thing that's difficult to troubleshoot is the myriad emotions moms experience as they breastfeed. This journey is fraught with joy, sorrow, frustration, and pride. It means coming face to face with your own shortcomings. Some moms may battle depression. One thing that kept me sane through it all was celebrating what's right with the world.

Several years ago I saw a film by Dewitt Jones, a former photographer for National Geographic. It was called Celebrate What's Right with the World. 

In the introduction to this video on his website, Jones shares some insight about this philosophy:

Photo credit: Dewitt Jones

How easy it is to celebrate a birthday, a marriage, a holiday. How hard it is to hold that same perspective in our daily lives. Everyday we are inundated with messages that tell us what’s wrong with our world. It’s not surprising that we lose sight of all the things that are right with it; of all that is truly worth celebrating. As a photographer, I have a choice of what lens I put on my camera; a choice of how I am going to view the world. I choose to celebrate. Why? Because it imbues me with gratitude, because it allows me to see the best in people and situations, because it fills me with energy.

This idea has stayed with me and has been especially helpful as I settle into motherhood. I try to surround myself with people who inspire and uplift me. I look for ways to refuel, refocus, and celebrate what's right. For me that's my faith and my family. Music. Nature. And most importantly of all, for me that is documenting these celebrations through photos, facebook, and scribbles in my journal. I've had to let go of my perfectionism because capturing joyful moments in any way is more important to me than the perfectly framed shot or perfectly worded caption.

Now that Boo is one, I've spent a little time looking back over these pictures and statuses and little bits of bliss. Life is fine right now, and these things are a reminder to me to be intentional about looking for bliss in the everyday. To be searching for things to celebrate - on purpose.

And when I'm facing tougher times, these tangible pieces are proof of what's right in the world. I can look back at my facebook feed, flip through the baby book, and reread old journals. And as I do, my weary heart marvels at the victories over devastating circumstances and the sweet spots in between the bitter moments. In the midst of sadness, I think to myself, In some far-off life, I had goodness and grace and glorious small wonders. And I look around my life, bleak and blurry, but a little more bearable now that I understand this is only one piece of my story.

This isn't to say I pretend heartache doesn't exist, or ignore sadness around me. It certainly doesn't mean I am the champion of noticing awesomeness in my life (because let's be honest, most of the time I am a hot mess who's too often too busy). I don't run up to a despondent friend and chirp, "Celebrate what's right with the world!" I listen. I notice. And when I take time to celebrate what's right, even when there seem to be more things wrong, I am grateful. I am kinder. And I feel whole.

5 Things Every New Mom Wants to Hear

My postpartum recovery was no walk in the park. Even for moms with quick physical recoveries, this time is marked by blurry eyes, hazy memories, and an uncanny feeling of déjà vu.  I was blessed by the support of my husband, friends, and family and I learned a lot about what new moms most desperately need to hear in those early days. 

1. "I'd like to bring you a meal."

Garfield is not a fan of cute baby onesies

We had many visitors who were excited to see Boo. I won't lie, my favorite visits were those that involved steaming pans of lasagna or homemade chicken noodle soup. Someone thoughtfully brought gift cards for takeout. Some friends brought adorable outfits for Boo and (I'm not proud of this) I bitterly thought to myself, I can't eat that onesie!   Other friends asked if I wanted them to bring a meal, and it put me in an uncomfortable position. I am a person who hates asking for help so of course I said, "No, don't worry about it!"  What I really wanted to say was, "Do I want a meal? Does grass grow? Is pizza delicious? DOES MY DAUGHTER POOP?!?" All new moms are weary anyway, and breastfeeding moms typically eat meals that could feed a small nation. So yes, food is good. "I'm bringing you dinner! What food do you love/hate? What's a good time?" Don't be surprised if your new mom friend falls down and kisses your feet after hearing those words.

2. "It's okay to feel that way."
The first few days/weeks/months are an emotional roller coaster.  Mom's body is on hyper-drive trying to shift from sustaining a baby inside the womb to sustaining that baby by way of her breasts.  Lots of hormones changing.  All the emotions happening.  If she is sad/happy/stabby/nervous reassure her and let her know you're there to listen.  If you think she might be suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) give her a hand in finding the help she needs.

3. "Go take a nap."
After countless visitors visiting and doctors doctoring and lots of bodily fluids uh....flowing, anyone would be beat tired.  Now add in a tiny creature who needs to be fed or changed or cuddled 24/7, and mama's exhausted.  The only reason she may want to stay up would be to chow down on the delicious meal you brought her. ;)

4. "You're doing a great job."
If your mom friend is like me, it's possible she read every word published about pregnancy and childbirth under the sun but for some reason forgot that she would need to care for and nourish this child after the little bug popped out.  For me, most days I was getting by in survival mode and after the chaos died down I realized I hadn't the faintest idea what I was doing. It was simultaneously terrifying and awe-inspiring.  I felt much more confident when another mom held off on the advice for a bit to build me up.

5. "What kind of support do you need from me right now?"
This is where it's important to acknowledge that every mom is different.  I think it's safe to assume that every new mom wants to eat and sleep, but moms have other needs that vary so much from each other.  Some moms need to complain and vent just to get out their frustration.  Others unload to a friend because they need to hear that it's okay to try something different.  If you have even a little doubt about what your friend needs from you, simply ask her.  Tell her that you care about her.  That she's a great mom.  And that you want to provide whatever support she needs, whether that's simply an ear to listen without judging, a referral to a lactation consultant, or an account of your experience and what worked for you.  I'm often guilty of automatically providing support to other moms that I know I would need in that situation, but sometimes that's the opposite of what they want.  Listen - truly listen - and let her know that you are there for her no matter what.