A Letter to My Sister

I love being pregnant. This second time around has been even more joyous because my sister is pregnant, too. We've been best friends for nearly 29 years and have shared so many milestones with each other. So far this one is probably my favorite.

Even though you and I don't share that kind of history, we have both experienced the fears and hopes that are part of anticipating motherhood. I'm hoping you'll hear my heart in this letter and tuck away the bits that resonate with you.

Dear sister,

I've been ruminating on so many things that it's difficult to sort through them and find words that are as cogent as the way they seem when they are just thoughts in my head. I will do my best though.

I remember so vividly the day you called me to tell me your big news...and the day I called to tell you mine. Lots of "aghhh!" and "oh my word" and "I am SO EXCITED!" And in the months that followed there was lots of "What do you think about..." and "What did you guys do for..." Your firsts have often followed mine, but the exciting thing about this first is that it's not just my footsteps you can use as a guide. You are being ushered into an ancient legacy, one much bigger than the sisterhood we share. Women the world over have experienced this anticipation and though each of our experiences is unique, they are all the same, too. It's a beautiful gift, one I know you thank God for daily. It's also an enormous responsibility, one that can seem heavy at times. You have so much on your mind these days; there are a few things I want you to know.

You think about labor and delivery being just around the corner. I know how strong you are. No matter what happens, I have complete faith that you will kill it in that delivery room while the rest of us wait outside, praying and cheering you on. Natural birth, medications, c-section, whatever...you will come out the other side as a mother and none of it will matter.

You think about what you'll need as you sift through gifts and check off your list. Pack your bag. All the other sorting and organizing is nice to have finished, but not a necessity. Be sure to slow down these last few weeks and savor some alone time with your husband, some alone time with yourself, and relish the ability to run into Kroger for 2 minutes to grab a gallon of milk.

You think about the hard seasons you've seen me and other moms go through, especially at the beginning. I know the stories of raw nipples and sleepless nights can seem intimidating, but those tough days are temporary and far outnumbered by days full of joy. In anticipation of the challenges you may face, I promise to tell everyone that if they truly love you, they will bring you food. Tuck away this little gem and this one...they are two of the most helpful resources that kept me sane in those chaotic moments when I doubted myself. It felt like such a relief to know I wasn't alone...that what our new little family was experiencing was normal.

You think about whether you will be a good mom. I know without a doubt the kind of mom you'll be. You're an enthusiastic aunt, a genius game player, a compassionate listener, an affectionate friend. You see people's problems as an opportunity to love them better. Your best qualities will be just what your little guy needs to learn about the way he should go, and your shortcomings will be an opportunity for all of you to grow.

You think about the love you know now...the love of your creator, your husband, your family, your friends. Just wait. I know the feeling you'll experience when you meet your sweet baby will help you understand true love better. Like a friend told me once, it's Big Love.

You think about the unknowns, the big decisions, the uncertainty ahead. I know that you are blessed to have a steady and supportive husband and many loving friends. Surround yourself with people who know you well and respect your goals and dreams, whether they are about breastfeeding, parenting, nutrition, etc. I want you to know that I am here, too. I am ready to listen, to pray, to advise, or simply just be with you whenever you need me, as only a sister can.

Sister power 4 lyfe.

Love you,

La

How to Survive a Growth Spurt in 4 Easy Steps

Ah, growth spurts. Those few days that feel like a few years, when you have to double-check to make sure you're nursing a baby and not a piranha, when you forget if you've had a shower in the last week and you KNOW you haven't slept.... Yep, fun times.

But have hope! Growth spurts don't last forever (THANK. GOD.), and in the 21st Century, there are all kinds of resources that can help you come out the other side more or less in one piece, with a slightly fatter baby than you had before. Just follow these steps.....

1. Know what to expect!

Forget the What to Expect books; you're a modern woman and you need the latest information delivered electronically to carry you through this 48-hour hell! There are two resources that will be indispensable to you during these spurts: One is the wonderful Kellymom, with all the answers to the desperate questions that will come up at 3am when you're trying to latch that screaming infant and she's just not having it.

The other is the Wonder Weeks app. This magnificent tool gives insight into what is happening, biologically and developmentally, to that adorable, squishy, screaming, voracious infant of yours. It will tell you when to expect growth spurts so that they don't catch you by surprise!

Pro Tip: Keep a phone charger next to your nursing station so that you can access these lovely resources any time you need to without having to relocate.

2. Keep water and snacks within reach

It always happens: you sit down to nurse the baby and as soon as he's latched, you feel hungry and thirsty. But alas! There is no food or drink in sight and you just KNOW this is going to be one of those 45min sessions.... So make sure you have several gallons of bottled water scattered within arm's reach of all your favorite nursing spots. You need to keep replenishing your body's fluids both for your milk supply and for your own health, so drink up! Also consider the type of bottle that you can open with only one hand, in case the other is occupied with baby.

And as for food, it's whatever you want, mama! A little indulgence never hurt anyone, but that said, it's best to pack as much of a nutritional punch as you can into your snacks, since your little bundle of joy is getting all his nutrients from you right now. I always found I felt best when I ate something with protein, which usually meant cheese, nuts, something with nut butter. Trail mix or a good old-fashioned granola bar worked best, although the bars tended to make less mess since they came wrapped and all in one piece! Again, pile those suckers up right next to your nursing station: you don't want to run out!

3. Fire up that Netflix queue!

This is hands-down the best advice I got from another mommy-friend during those early weeks. Seriously, if your baby is going to be nursing non-stop for several days, this is the time for a marathon. Never seen Scrubs? Well, there are 9 seasons, so now is the time. How I Met Your Mother? The Tudors? Battlestar Galactica? Doctor Who? (Whoops, sorry, my geek is showing....) Queue up those guilty pleasure shows (sorry, anyone who did not recently give birth doesn't get a vote), plunk your butt down on the couch and just nurse the baby. Forget the dishes that need washing, the inlaws that need entertaining, and the pile of mail that needs sorting. Enjoy your show and don't worry about anything, unless of course your 3-year-old appears to be attempting to burn down the house.

4. Get your support system in place

Husbands, boyfriends, mothers, sisters, friends, and assorted other helpmates are indispensable during a growth spurt. As mentioned above, you will have neither the free hands nor the time to be dealing with chores or unruly older siblings, so someone else needs to be prepared to step in and take care of these things for you. They will also need to refill your food and water as needed (it does sound a little bit like caring for a pet, doesn't it?), bring you the remote control, change the baby, hold the baby while you take a few minutes to pee or even (GASP) take a shower, and say "Yes, dear" as you wax poetical about what damned liars everyone was to tell you that this breastfeeding thing was natural and easy.

This helper should also become an expert feeding pillow-adjuster, amateur psychiatrist, and foot-massager. Make sure they understand that payment is to be rendered in baby snuggles and a few screams as a bonus. DO NOT HESITATE to ask for help when you need it, no matter how silly the request may seem. If you don't have access to someone to help you in your home, make sure you have people on speed-dial who don't mind you calling at any time for a little venting session. Oh, and don't forget to include your lactation consultant in that call list!


.... and two big DON'Ts to keep in mind during these spurts, too: DON'T supplement without express direction from a knowledgable pediatrician, and DON'T try to put your growing baby on a feeding schedule. Both of these actions can harm your supply and negatively impact your baby's growth. Trust your body to feed your baby by nursing on demand!

These are the growth spurt survival tips that worked for me, but maybe you have some I didn't mention. Share your ideas here or on our Facebook page, and nurse on, mamas!

A Tale of Ten Toes: Newborn Screening

Photo by Susan Holstein Photography

Ah, yes. Ten fingers and ten toes: the universal signs of a healthy, sweet-smelling, squishy little newborn. Just look at those darling little feet, all curled up in contentment after his first meal of mama's milk (Okay, colostrum at this point, but milk sounds so much nicer....)! What a peaceful, perfect little human. I would move mountains for him. I would fight a grizzly bear for him. I would....

WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY'S FOOT?!

This was basically my reaction when some poor beleaguered nurse came in to do a "foot stick" on my baby for his newborn screening test. Yes, it's just a little pinprick, but that that point I pretty much only thought in terms of "You're making my baby cry, NOOOOOOOO....." My protective instincts were in overdrive, and watching someone squeeze my wailing newborn's blood onto an index card did not exactly fit into the idyllic picture I'd had of his first hours.

Fast-forward to a couple of days later. We're home from the hospital and my milk has come in, but our son is crying again, and this time it's my fault (or at least that's how I saw it at the time). I couldn't figure out how to latch him properly and the poor child was screaming as though he would rather someone prick his foot 10 more times than spend another moment at my breast.

Unsuspecting little burrito....

How I wish I knew then what I know now.

Now I know that while I was struggling to establish a nursing relationship, that little card with my son's blood was being analyzed for:

Cystic Fibrosis
Hypothyroidism
Metabolic disorders (ex: PKU)
Severe Combined Immunodeficiency (SCID)
Sickle Cell Anemia

And many, many other conditions, some of which are life-threatening and all of which seriously affect the quality of life for a child. Since K's blood came back negative for all of these, I don't really know exactly what each one entails, but for many parents, these disorders and their consequences are all too real.

But here's the good, the wonderful, the GREAT news: though your hospital or birth center may not have robust lactation services, and while they may send home formula in a goody bag, and while your doctors may or may not be knowledgable about breastfeeding, every baby can be screened for these serious conditions. While it's not compulsory in every facility and in some cases, you might need to request the screen, it's quick, free, and available to every family in the US.

As hard as breastfeeding and the newborn phase is, THANK GOODNESS at least one thing you can do for your baby's health is easy!

And the heel stick doesn't last long, although poor K did cry through the whole thing. With my next baby, I plan to be nursing while they perform the test. I didn't quite understand the power of magic boobies to keep a baby calm last time, but now I do and look forward to putting that superpower to good use!

To learn more about Newborn Screening or to learn about what tests are performed at hospitals in your state, check out savebabies.org and Baby's First Test!
.
.
.
I learned about Newborn Screening through our own Christa of Little Us and The Baby Ladies! Did you know about the Newborn Screening test when your first was born? Do you have a child who tested positive for any of the conditions covered in the screening? Share with us in the comments!
. . . . .

Dinner for Two?

Lots of questions have come up in my mind as I try to plan for the arrival of our newest nursling. I'm fairly certain C will jump right back on this milk train and I'm totally fine with that but then I remember how difficult it was trying to get the hang of nursing a newborn. I figure I have two options:

1. I can use it as an opportunity to teach my oldest some boundaries

2. I can get creative, toughen up and enjoy the only time I will get to

nurse all of my children at once :)

If we go with door #1, I imagine Dad will have to help out a little more and be my wing man. Unfortunately, he has to work, too so I will still need to be a little creative. How can I distract him from boobies (Is it really possible to distract a man of any age from them, I mean - come on?!) without him feeling rejected? How can he still feel special even though he isn't getting a lot of extra snuggle time with mommy?

• Busy Box - Have a box of toys, coloring books or other special things that he will only get to play with when mommy is nursing sissy. Maybe this way, he will look forward to my nursing sessions with her instead of dreading them.
• Double Up With Story Time - Use nursing time to read him a book or two...or four.....depending on how long we are nursing and what his attention span can handle. I figure with this method, maybe he will feel like he still gets to share time, he's still close to me and sissy and he can feel more involved instead of maybe isolated or turned away.
• Big Boy Snack - Give him a special snack like organic fruit snacks or sweet roasted chickpeas that are healthy but sweet and something that he wouldn't normally get to snack on unless we're nursing.
• Mommy's Helper - Even at 18 months, my little dude is pretty good at following directions and helping out. When he's two, hopefully this won't magically go away, (pretty please, Lord...let it remain!) and he can bring my boppy, water, granola bar or whatever else mommy might need. This, in addition to being borderline child labor, may make him feel like an important part of the process.

If we go with door #2, while it may not be practical, my heart may actually explode from all the cuteness and love I will experience at once. I have always and I mean it...always,  from the first time I walked into a patient's room in L&D and saw her nursing her one hour old baby and her three year old, always wanted to nurse my newborn and my toddler together. There is just something so special about quite literally pouring out so much love at one time. Now, I always said that I wasn't sure if there was enough food in the world to nourish me pregnant and nursing. Come to find out there is. I also wonder if there is enough food in the world to nourish me nursing two hungry babies at once. I guess we will find out. Yes, realistically, if all things go as planned, we should find out. Will I be sore? Probably. Will I be beyond exhausted, absolutely. Will I have this moment to look back on for the rest of my life and even if we don't succeed for long, be able to be a witness to other mothers who doubt if they could do the same thing? Yes, yes, yes. 

I'm sure there'd be benefits to both and we may will not be able to see all sides until we are faced with it and deal with whatever may come. As much as we sometimes fight our children finding their independence, it may be a good opportunity for C to learn how to share more, to help more and to know that mommy doesn't love him any less just because sissy is here now. On the other hand, what better way to bond with your sister than to hold her hand while snuggled on mommy's chest? What if my princess is a slow gainer like C was? It may not hurt to have him boosting my supply by increasing that demand and creating a more substantial supply of hind milk for her to bulk up with. 

As it has been all along, C is the boss of our breastfeeding relationship. It seems like every time I think it's over, he proves me wrong. Every time I have wanted to give up, he gives me a reason to trudge on. Time will tell and I'll be here to share the adventure.

Til next time, mamas.

Keep Calm and Nurse On

~ Jessica

Hang In There, Mama

As I nursed my 16-month-old son to sleep tonight, I thought about what I wanted to write. I could provide useful tips for recognizing low supply, or share my experience with tongue ties, or recommend light and fashionable summer nursing outfits, but I find myself thinking of all the new mothers I know. These are women with fresh and screaming newborns, women with the undisguised tone of desperation and terror in their voices and online posts. I do what I can to help, but repeatedly, I find myself falling back on the most vapid of encouragement:

Hang in there, Mama.

I HATED hearing that when I was living through the horror of new motherhood. Did my more experienced mommy friends really have NOTHING more to offer me than that? No magic bullet solution, no sage advice, no eternal wisdom, or even a trendy mothering "hack" with its own catchphrase and a few blogs devoted to it? That's all you've got for me? "Hang in there????"

But when you've checked and rechecked that newborn's diaper, when you've swaddled him 18 different ways with at least as many blankets, nursed through the excruciating pain and STILL offered the breast after an hour of continuous latching, and tried any number of expensive gadgets that promise to calm your baby, there's only one thing left to do, and that's to hang in there.

One day, you'll be here.

The day will come when your toddler blows kisses to Daddy when it's time for bed. He'll latch onto your no-longer-painful nipple and do an odd planking motion before settling in and draping an arm over your breast as though it's a pillow. After a few minutes, he'll be out and you'll wait to put him in the crib just so you can enjoy a few more moments of precious snuggles.

When he bumps his head on the playground, your breast will calm him, and you won't feel any self-consciousness about nursing him like that out in the open. In fact, you'll see another mother smile at you, and you'll smile back.

One day, you'll put away that stupid pump for the last time, and just feed your toddler when he signs for milk, asks to nurse aloud, or reaches for your shirt. Your supply will adjust perfectly fine and the thought of not having enough milk won't even occur to you.

When your child's unique personality begins to emerge, when he runs and dances and makes faces and blows raspberries and shows you his belly button, you'll marvel that you grew this little person with your body. That as biologically mundane and culturally sensationalized as breasts are, yours were almost solely responsible for the life, growth, and development of another human.

And the memory of that first week and first month will be a distant battle scar, one you share any time your new-mommy friends cry "Is it really this hard?!" Even though you'll be forced to answer "Yes," you can also say,

".... but it gets better."

"Hang in there, Mama."

Wires & probes & tubes OH MY! Nursing in the NICU

Nursing in NICU!!!

Becks was induced for labor as a preemie (37 weeks gestation but preemie developmentally). We knew the risks for him but my health was spiraling down & he had started to grow less each week. I had imagined the most beautiful delivery with perfect kangaroo time & immediate nursing. I even told visitors we would need a while together so he could nurse & learn to latch before he saw anyone. That was far from reality for us. 

After 10 hours of labor my little prince joined us in the world but without a cry. This my friends was the most terrifying moment in my lifetime...luckily just a second later he began to make the most pitiful little cry I ever heard but I loved the sound. His dad & I each got just a few minutes to hold him while they cleaned him. The doctors & nurses said he was struggling to catch his breath so to the NICU he went while I went to my own room to rest & heal; of course I required the nurse roll my hospital bed into the NICU so I could see him immediately!

The nurses helped me pump to get my flow going. I got a whopping 2mL ha! But for a first pump I was told it was great. As soon as I was able to stand alone I began my trips downstairs (NICU) (where I spent most of my time the next 6 days!). I am sure the nurses hated me because this is when I began the rules for my little one! YES they are cared for by a doctor but what you say goes so stand up for what you want for your child!

Rules

1.) NO BOTTLES, NO NIPPLES etc. If they had to give him my milk for me then it needed to be done with a syringe. I didn't want to ruin the moment of his first latch from the beginning.

2.) NO FORMULA! I would sacrifice sleep, seeing people, peeing, eating etc. to be down there at every feeding for as long as he required me to stay! 

The next morning lactation came to assist us & he did great! It look about 45 minutes to situate the wires & find our comfy spot but we figured it out! Super powerful suck & big latch! Since this moment he has wanted to be attached to mommy 24/7!! This was the second most inspirational moment in my life! Getting him out of the bassinet with all those wires every few hours was exhausting for him, the nurses, and me, but I know getting Mommy milk into him was the best thing to make him stronger!

I decided I was going to be by his side for every moment of his journey & with BF I had to be there every 3 hours. So with a 30 minute to 1 hour feeding time I had about 1.5 hours to take a shower, nap, eat, etc. I asked the nurse to get me a sleeping recliner beside his bed-space & this was my lifesaver! Many times after he would eat we would fall asleep doing kangaroo time together. I was helping him get stronger while also getting a little bit of sleep. This is a must for mothers who want to nurse in NICU! When visitors came to visit I did not let it change our routine... I was shirtless & boobs were at his easy access (mommy gone wild?? hehe). This was priority to me over people holding him although I loved their support & love!

Once I was discharged as a patient there was no way I was leaving my baby at the hospital alone & luckily the hospital let us "rent" a room kind of like a hotel so I could stay there with him. Although I think I only used it as a place to store my stuff & take a shower because my baby needed my boob! But if you can get a room do it; it's so much easier then traveling to your house or a hotel.

After a few days I was exhausted but God's gift of adrenaline kept me going! By day 4 I needed sleep & Dad wanted to feed him so I broke my no bottle rule. I pumped & Dad fed for a few times a day. I don't regret this because that sleep was refreshing and didn't affect his latch at all! Also I realized this day that since you can't have food in NICU I was only eating 1 time a day. DON'T do this as calories are crucial for good fatty milk!

The last night we were there I was able to stay in the NICU mothers sleep in room & have Becks with me. It was great practice for when we went home while still having the nursing staff & his monitors connected for my piece of mind! I was able to lay in the bed to feed him & I didn't even know this type of room existed until the doctor offered it!

Our 6 day breastfeeding in NICU journey was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done but with lots of special requests I was able to make it successfully. If you ever have to have this experience just know you can ask for anything to make nursing easier & most hospitals are very supportive of BF!

Here is what you need in the NICU bed-space:
WATER
cell phone/camera
nursing stool
breastpump
sleeping recliner
zipper jacket to wear in between feedings
someone to talk to
feeding/pee/poop log book

What to request:

• a room in hospital

• mothers sleep in room

• your meds & food be delivered to NICU by your nurse 

• schedule your personal check-ins with your nurse/doctor at the same time each day so you can be in your room for them  

•  more diapers (hide them to take home!)

How did your delivery & hospital stay affect your breastfeeding relationship? 
What made it easier for you?
What rules did you have set that you decided to break?

Size of Your Baby's Stomach

This is one of my favorite images out there. It's so helpful to know the size of your newborn's stomach! Especially when you're just starting out!

Here's a hint...it's teeny!

WW: Hunger Cues