Wires & probes & tubes OH MY! Nursing in the NICU

Nursing in NICU!!!

Becks was induced for labor as a preemie (37 weeks gestation but preemie developmentally). We knew the risks for him but my health was spiraling down & he had started to grow less each week. I had imagined the most beautiful delivery with perfect kangaroo time & immediate nursing. I even told visitors we would need a while together so he could nurse & learn to latch before he saw anyone. That was far from reality for us. 

After 10 hours of labor my little prince joined us in the world but without a cry. This my friends was the most terrifying moment in my lifetime...luckily just a second later he began to make the most pitiful little cry I ever heard but I loved the sound. His dad & I each got just a few minutes to hold him while they cleaned him. The doctors & nurses said he was struggling to catch his breath so to the NICU he went while I went to my own room to rest & heal; of course I required the nurse roll my hospital bed into the NICU so I could see him immediately!

The nurses helped me pump to get my flow going. I got a whopping 2mL ha! But for a first pump I was told it was great. As soon as I was able to stand alone I began my trips downstairs (NICU) (where I spent most of my time the next 6 days!). I am sure the nurses hated me because this is when I began the rules for my little one! YES they are cared for by a doctor but what you say goes so stand up for what you want for your child!

Rules

1.) NO BOTTLES, NO NIPPLES etc. If they had to give him my milk for me then it needed to be done with a syringe. I didn't want to ruin the moment of his first latch from the beginning.

2.) NO FORMULA! I would sacrifice sleep, seeing people, peeing, eating etc. to be down there at every feeding for as long as he required me to stay! 

The next morning lactation came to assist us & he did great! It look about 45 minutes to situate the wires & find our comfy spot but we figured it out! Super powerful suck & big latch! Since this moment he has wanted to be attached to mommy 24/7!! This was the second most inspirational moment in my life! Getting him out of the bassinet with all those wires every few hours was exhausting for him, the nurses, and me, but I know getting Mommy milk into him was the best thing to make him stronger!

I decided I was going to be by his side for every moment of his journey & with BF I had to be there every 3 hours. So with a 30 minute to 1 hour feeding time I had about 1.5 hours to take a shower, nap, eat, etc. I asked the nurse to get me a sleeping recliner beside his bed-space & this was my lifesaver! Many times after he would eat we would fall asleep doing kangaroo time together. I was helping him get stronger while also getting a little bit of sleep. This is a must for mothers who want to nurse in NICU! When visitors came to visit I did not let it change our routine... I was shirtless & boobs were at his easy access (mommy gone wild?? hehe). This was priority to me over people holding him although I loved their support & love!

Once I was discharged as a patient there was no way I was leaving my baby at the hospital alone & luckily the hospital let us "rent" a room kind of like a hotel so I could stay there with him. Although I think I only used it as a place to store my stuff & take a shower because my baby needed my boob! But if you can get a room do it; it's so much easier then traveling to your house or a hotel.

After a few days I was exhausted but God's gift of adrenaline kept me going! By day 4 I needed sleep & Dad wanted to feed him so I broke my no bottle rule. I pumped & Dad fed for a few times a day. I don't regret this because that sleep was refreshing and didn't affect his latch at all! Also I realized this day that since you can't have food in NICU I was only eating 1 time a day. DON'T do this as calories are crucial for good fatty milk!

The last night we were there I was able to stay in the NICU mothers sleep in room & have Becks with me. It was great practice for when we went home while still having the nursing staff & his monitors connected for my piece of mind! I was able to lay in the bed to feed him & I didn't even know this type of room existed until the doctor offered it!

Our 6 day breastfeeding in NICU journey was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done but with lots of special requests I was able to make it successfully. If you ever have to have this experience just know you can ask for anything to make nursing easier & most hospitals are very supportive of BF!

Here is what you need in the NICU bed-space:
WATER
cell phone/camera
nursing stool
breastpump
sleeping recliner
zipper jacket to wear in between feedings
someone to talk to
feeding/pee/poop log book

What to request:

• a room in hospital

• mothers sleep in room

• your meds & food be delivered to NICU by your nurse 

• schedule your personal check-ins with your nurse/doctor at the same time each day so you can be in your room for them  

•  more diapers (hide them to take home!)

How did your delivery & hospital stay affect your breastfeeding relationship? 
What made it easier for you?
What rules did you have set that you decided to break?

5 Things Every New Mom Wants to Hear

My postpartum recovery was no walk in the park. Even for moms with quick physical recoveries, this time is marked by blurry eyes, hazy memories, and an uncanny feeling of déjà vu.  I was blessed by the support of my husband, friends, and family and I learned a lot about what new moms most desperately need to hear in those early days. 

1. "I'd like to bring you a meal."

Garfield is not a fan of cute baby onesies

We had many visitors who were excited to see Boo. I won't lie, my favorite visits were those that involved steaming pans of lasagna or homemade chicken noodle soup. Someone thoughtfully brought gift cards for takeout. Some friends brought adorable outfits for Boo and (I'm not proud of this) I bitterly thought to myself, I can't eat that onesie!   Other friends asked if I wanted them to bring a meal, and it put me in an uncomfortable position. I am a person who hates asking for help so of course I said, "No, don't worry about it!"  What I really wanted to say was, "Do I want a meal? Does grass grow? Is pizza delicious? DOES MY DAUGHTER POOP?!?" All new moms are weary anyway, and breastfeeding moms typically eat meals that could feed a small nation. So yes, food is good. "I'm bringing you dinner! What food do you love/hate? What's a good time?" Don't be surprised if your new mom friend falls down and kisses your feet after hearing those words.

2. "It's okay to feel that way."
The first few days/weeks/months are an emotional roller coaster.  Mom's body is on hyper-drive trying to shift from sustaining a baby inside the womb to sustaining that baby by way of her breasts.  Lots of hormones changing.  All the emotions happening.  If she is sad/happy/stabby/nervous reassure her and let her know you're there to listen.  If you think she might be suffering from postpartum depression (PPD) give her a hand in finding the help she needs.

3. "Go take a nap."
After countless visitors visiting and doctors doctoring and lots of bodily fluids uh....flowing, anyone would be beat tired.  Now add in a tiny creature who needs to be fed or changed or cuddled 24/7, and mama's exhausted.  The only reason she may want to stay up would be to chow down on the delicious meal you brought her. ;)

4. "You're doing a great job."
If your mom friend is like me, it's possible she read every word published about pregnancy and childbirth under the sun but for some reason forgot that she would need to care for and nourish this child after the little bug popped out.  For me, most days I was getting by in survival mode and after the chaos died down I realized I hadn't the faintest idea what I was doing. It was simultaneously terrifying and awe-inspiring.  I felt much more confident when another mom held off on the advice for a bit to build me up.

5. "What kind of support do you need from me right now?"
This is where it's important to acknowledge that every mom is different.  I think it's safe to assume that every new mom wants to eat and sleep, but moms have other needs that vary so much from each other.  Some moms need to complain and vent just to get out their frustration.  Others unload to a friend because they need to hear that it's okay to try something different.  If you have even a little doubt about what your friend needs from you, simply ask her.  Tell her that you care about her.  That she's a great mom.  And that you want to provide whatever support she needs, whether that's simply an ear to listen without judging, a referral to a lactation consultant, or an account of your experience and what worked for you.  I'm often guilty of automatically providing support to other moms that I know I would need in that situation, but sometimes that's the opposite of what they want.  Listen - truly listen - and let her know that you are there for her no matter what.

My First Latch

I remember being most excited about one thing after the birth of my son.  I was just yearning for that first latch and for the fireworks to go off and everything to be right in the world.  I had read all the books; I had taken the class; I was going to rock breastfeeding and that was all there was to it.  

He can basically fit my whole boob in his mouth now!

Jad came was born on March 1st, 2013 at 8:59pm.  It took only 4 short hours of active labor and lots of control to not kill my husband who was so nervous that he chose to annoy me the entire time...once tickling me in the middle of an f'n contraction.  He better be glad he is still alive.  When Jad emerged I promptly did what all mothers do: I hid him under a sheet so no one could see him because I was so shocked that 45 minutes of pushing gave me this little being that was now mine...oh, not all mothers react this way...hmm.  My hubs was dying to see this creature who was half his doing and I was basically just staring into space imagining myself as Wonder Woman reincarnated for just birthing this baby vaginally with no pain killers.

Anyway, after I came too I needed to get this baby latched on so those fireworks could start and someone could hand me my breastfeeding goddess medal.  Yeah, yeah...I know...we don't get medals.  Well, Jad latched and he sucked in all of the colostrum and really was just as wonderful as I had imagined.  At that point I realized I had no idea if I should keep offering my boob or do what I did.  I placed my brand new baby in a boppy.  WTF was a I thinking.  I look back now and wonder why the heck wasn't I holding my newborn.  Sure, he is sleeping but didn't I have the urge to snuggle and smell that newness? I guess not.

Yep...a boppy.

We stayed at the birth center for 4 hours after Jad was born and I think he may have fed three times.  The nurse said he was doing awesome and I took her word for it.  We packed up that little bugger and I made my dead tired husband drive home at 2 o'clock in the morning after being woken up at 4am the previous day by "Babe, my water just broke!"  He later told me that coming over the bridge to our house he could barely feel his body he was so tired and he has no idea how he got us home.

How was he ever that small!

At home, breastfeeding sucked because well, Jad sucked all day long.  I wasn't prepared.  No reading or class could prepare me for what I was experiencing.  The only thing that could have help was if I signed up for a class where little barracuda nibbled at your nipples for 45 minutes and then swam away for 15 minutes then came back and nibbled again then swam away...you get the picture.  On day 2 I took Jad to Target and transferred the entire breastfeeding section into my cart because one of those products must offer the relief I needed.

Man, I miss that full hair line but my fingers look like sausages.

I had a home nurse come check on me.  She told me Jad was latching fantastic and was an excellent eater.  I told her it hurts and she said it would get better.  That is what they all say (I now know they are right).  At the moment though I didn't think I would survive my boobs hurt so bad.

Why do I write this? Because hopefully you are a soon to be new mom and I can tell you that even if it starts out awful it turns out wonderful.  My baby is almost 11 months old!  I have no clue who let that happen but I would like to find them and give them a piece of my mind.  He crawls over and nose dives into my boob to get his milk.  He is able to sign to me on some occasional that he would like some booby.  He grabs my boob with his little greasy hands and sucks away and there is no pain.  He also only breastfeeds 4 or 5 times a day.  My new mom self would kill for that and now I miss those moments.  Hang in there, slather on some Nipple Butter and breastfeed your babies!

A Bad Latch

I did so much to prepare for the birth of my daughter.  Twenty four hours of Bradley classes (spread over eight Saturday nights), pain management practices, book after book.  During my time educating myself I read up on breastfeeding and even practiced with a doll at my classes. 

After basically the most awesome natural birth ever I brought my baby to my chest and she latched on with ease.  I grew this baby for nine months, I birthed her and of course I could feed her.  We spent the next twenty four hours wrapped in each others embrace in my hospital bed.  New York City hospitals are pro-breastfeeding and keep formula out of sight, but no one ever asked if I wanted to see a lactation consultant or got close enough to see her latch.  And I was too prideful to ask them.

Toward the end of my baby's first week of life I was in so much pain I declared breastfeeding harder than giving birth naturally.  And I meant that.  My nipples were cracked and bleeding and I was crying along with my baby.  Finally, late that Saturday night I called my Bradley teacher in tears.  I remember so clearly that she told me, "It's okay not to love every second of this."  She helped me find a lactation consultant who came over the next morning and not two seconds into her visit she diagnosed Adelaide as having a bad latch and showed me how to get her to latch correctly.

She also suggested I soak and rinse my nipples in warm salt water which helped tremendously in healing.  

That afternoon I put on my shoes and my coat, put my baby in the sling and walked proudly outside to meet my husband and in-laws who were picking up lunch.  My nipples still hurt like hell, but I knew from then on out that I could do it.

It's been just over nine months since my daughter was born.  I don't think there's any feeling in the world like knowing you made this tiny little human and your body alone is sustaining all of her needs. 

Now if only teaching her not to bite me with her shiny new teeth was as easy as teaching her to latch correctly.

The First Latch...my Adventure begins!

It was Tuesday, March 5th at 5:38 AM that my nursling entered the world and my adventure began...But let's go back a few months prior.

I had always planned to breastfeed and naively I didn’t know about the obstacles I may face. Yes, I had talked to friends and read breastfeeding books, but I didn't realize how complex nursing a baby could be. My limited knowledge of breastfeeding left me thinking “it's natural, the baby will know what to do.” But what I found is that she knew what to do, but I didn't.

Our first latch occurred within the first 20 minutes of her birth. I remember the first moment I felt her warm, new to the world body against my chest....it was an intoxicating feeling. We were able to enjoy the critical early moments of skin to skin.

 After my daughter had her vitals check, she was weighed, measured, diapered and swaddled. The most amazing labor and delivery nurse brought her back over to me and said “Are you ready to breastfeed?”...I felt ready, I was text book ready, but so many questions popped into my mind.

“What would it feel like?”
“Would I be able to nurse her in public”
“When would my milk really come in”

The nurse helped me cradle my daughter in my arms and guided her towards my breast. She opened her mouth wide...like she knew just what to do. And she did. I felt right, and loving. But it wasn't comfortable.

It was awkward, not her suckling, but the hold. I struggled to hold her, guided her head and manage my breast at the same time. My breast kept slipping under my arm and she would get frustrated. Then I met the 2^nd most amazing nurse, a nursery nurse. She suggested “The football hold”.

Ah ha! Suddenly it all came together. I could support her and felt comfortable with the position. The football hold is still our favorite (although not easy for nursing in public but I will share my tips another day!), and as we approach the 9 month mark I am looking forward to the next chapters in our breastfeeding journey and sharing them with you and all the amazing ladies on this blog!

What were your first breastfeeding moments?

All you need is... Support

I learned really quickly after my daughter was born that in all my research and knowledge about breastfeeding, no one mentioned how important support was. No, not bra support, personal support. I was so lucky that my significant other supported my decision to breastfeed or at least attempt to breastfeed, and he even went to classes with me and did his own research. He was there in the hospital with me after an emergency C-Section delivery and supported me the entire time.

My first night as a mom, I was already ready to quit breastfeeding. She latched perfectly and ate and ate and ate and ate.... She loved to be connected, but after 3 days of not sleeping, from being uncomfortable at 41 weeks pregnant, and then not being able to sleep in the hospital, the long nursing sessions were wearing on me.

My fiance was great. He encouraged me, and got me snacks and water and anything I needed to get comfortable while nursing. He shooed visitors out of our room so I could feed our daughter without having to cover. Even now, 8 months later, he helps me find places when we are out in public to feed her without being exposed to every one. He'll stand in front of me if I feel like she won't allow me to be discreet.

e's not the only one who I found supported me: I have had women come up to me when I am trying to feed her in public, who say that they appreciate seeing a new mom breastfeeding her baby, and to keep up the good work. I have also had the opposite: people who stare and make rude comments about how I should stay at home or take "the show" to the bathroom. Sometimes, hearing that gets me down, hurts my feelings, but then I think of how "Breast is Best," and I'm a stubborn chick. I know that if I hadn't had the support of these people around me, I wouldn't have a healthy, happy, and chunky 8-month-old who has never had a drop of anything but breastmilk.

I am working on getting a support group started in my community. We live in a small town and many new moms are also single moms who don't have the support of a significant other or family members. I hope to reach out to them and be the support that I feel all new moms deserve. I hope that I can help new and not-so-new moms feel supported though doing the community support group and contributing to this blog.

Do Faulty Breasts = Breastfeeding Failure?

As soon as my husband and I started trying to get pregnant, I knew I wanted to breastfeed. Okay, I always knew I wanted to, but that was when I made a serious commitment to it. I'm extremely stubborn, so when I set my mind to something, it's pretty much a done deal. 

All the research shows that breast is best, not only for the baby, but for the mother as well. I wanted all those benefits for my baby and myself! Lower chance of food allergies and reduced risk of disease? Yes please! Lower risk of breast cancer (for mother and baby!)? Yes please! Let's also not forget that breastmilk is always evolving and changing based on your baby's needs. How cool is that?? 

Another big reason breastfeeding was so important to me was because of ingredients in formula that I personally find questionable. We eat a very specific way in my household, and formula just wouldn't do the trick for my babe. Besides that, I knew I would feel like a failure as a mother if I couldn't provide natural nourishment for my child. I know not everyone feels that extreme about breastfeeding, but I do.

I learned everything I possibly could about breastfeeding. I was like a sponge, soaking it all up. There are loads of books, websites, and videos to teach you the ins and outs. It can get overwhelming! Some of these resources were downright scary. Would it be excruciating? Would I be able to push through the inevitable pain? Would I have enough milk? 

But the questions that plagued me the most were about my own breasts, which I felt were going to be lemons.

"Would my flat nipples cooperate?"

"Would my breast augmentation (implants) ruin my chance to BF?" 

I've had flat nipples my whole life (I'm starting to think I always will). If the nipple is so important in breastfeeding, how would that affect my experience? I became more hopeful once I read about nipple shields and nipple shells. I knew there were at least options for working with my flat nipples. One hurdle down, one to go.

I was still unsure about how my breast augmentation, which now seemed vain and superficial, would affect my breastfeeding relationship. I searched and searched for information about breastfeeding after an augmentation, but I couldn't find much. Basically, I might be able to make it work, but I might not. Would breast implants be what stood between me and giving my daughter the best? I was genuinely worried about this, but I was determined (aka stubborn).

After the beautiful birth of my baby girl (which you can read about here), I was anxious to try our first latch. We enjoyed skin to skin immediately, and while I basked in the glory of knowing I had just given life to a human being, I waited for her to begin rooting and crawling toward the breast. When she finally seemed interested, one of the nurses was kind enough to come over and help me get Nora latched. We got her on a few times, and I could feel her suckling. But it wasn't going great and she kept popping off. Her tiny little mouth just wouldn't fit on my pancake nipple. It also felt pretty excruciating. 

I was on such a natural birth high and didn't want to come down with the devastation of breastfeeding not working. But sweet Jen (the nurse) wasn't about to let that happen! She quickly left to go grab a nipple shield and the problem was solved. 

Photo Courtesy of Lori Diane Photography

I think the look of sheer joy on my face says it all. I was breastfeeding my baby! It was such an amazing and wonderful gift. I was overjoyed and relieved that the nurses and lactation consultant seemed impressed with the amount of colostrum that was free flowing. And so the birth high continued as I was able to provide that sweet, liquid gold for my precious nursling. 

We just celebrated 9 months of exclusive breastfeeding this past week, and I am extremely proud! We've had ups and downs (which I'll definitely share at a later time) but the ups have definitely exceeded the minor setbacks that we experienced.

What were you most scared about before breastfeeding? Were your fears realized or did you worry for no reason?