Breastfeeding a Toddler in the PICU

On Christmas Eve, my 21-month-old fell headfirst onto a brick landing. We quickly found ourselves in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit to treat a skull fracture and bleeding of the brain. During our 3-day stay, breastfeeding became our greatest strength and refuge (outside the support and prayers of family, of course). These are some thoughts about our experience:

1) Hydration and hunger. By the time little K had his first meal following his accident, it had been nearly 20 hours since he last ate. What's more, he was vomiting as a result of the injury, so he didn't actually hold down food and water until a few hours later. Despite that, he required IV fluids only once during that time. The nurses marveled over how well-hydrated he was, which I attribute directly to the almost constant nursing we'd been doing while in the hospital. Though my supply was not nearly what it had been, I was able to provide for my toddler's most basic needs.

2) Comfort and calm. With the exception of inserting IVs and any large scans that needed to be done, every procedure and vitals check was completed while K was latched. Though he was obviously uncomfortable and hated all the poking and prodding, he would stay still and quiet while doctors and nurses repeatedly took his temperature, heart rate, blood pressure, felt his head, or flushed his IVs. Though he certainly cried often from fear and pain, he could always be calmed by the breast, and nursed so often that he was probably latched more often than not. In truth, my nipples hurt almost as badly as when he was a newborn, but I wouldn't have traded that ability to comfort him for anything.

3) Surprising attitudes toward breastfeeding. Maybe I've just spent too long in hard core hippie California, but I was completely caught off-guard by some of the reactions I received toward my openly breastfeeding a toddler during a crisis. I expected medical professionals, at least (and especially in pediatrics), to be pretty supportive, but many of them were downright squeamish. One nurse got flustered and closed the curtain on us, saying "You don't want anyone seeing THAT. It's an intimate moment." When I thanked her but assured her that I didn't mind (or care) if anyone saw, she began complaining about her friend who "just whips it out at the food court." Another nurse commented "Well, this isn't the most PRIVATE of places," even though we were behind a curtain and it was just us and her. One doctor practically ran away when he walked in on me breastfeeding, muttering "I'll come back when you're finished," and I had to yell for him to come back. And the majority of the staff did an awkward double-take at first.

On the other hand, there were a few bright spots: one of our favorite nurses, a guy, never batted an eye or made a comment. He made sure K was comfortably on the boob before checking him, and chattered cheerfully the whole time as though breastfeeding was total normal (which it is, but ya know). And one nurse passed us while K was pulling at my shirt and said "He looks like he wants to eat! I breastfed both of mine until 30 months!" Still, I was surprised at overall attitude I saw.

There was also the fact that I was giving my son antibodies that may have protected him from some of the nasty germs that inevitably circulate in a hospital, but since all three of us left with a cold, that wasn't quite as successful as advertised.

Naturally, it was a pretty horrible and frightening experience, but I feel that it would have been so much worse if we were not still breastfeeding. A week later, K is still nursing very frequently, whereas we were down to only twice a day before the accident. Also previously, I was working on setting boundaries with him, limiting when and where he could nurse, but that went out the window during his recovery. I can't help but wonder if this may push back weaning a bit (I was not planning to actively wean yet anyway, but I felt like he might lose interest soon). For now, I'm just happy to continue providing what my little man needs.

See also: Nursing in the NICU

A Year in Review: Big Changes FAQ

Today, we continue our look back at a year of tips and nips (see what I did there?) from the Adventures in Breastfeeding team! Monday, Laura covered the most common questions we hear from moms at the beginning of their breastfeeding journeys, so now it's time to talk about what comes after that! Maybe you're still in the newborn phase and wondering what to expect as your nursling grows, or maybe you're a seasoned pro looking for advice on extended breastfeeding. Either way, we have plenty of great answers and personal stories for you fabulous mamas!

I'm going back to work soon and I'm so nervous! Will I still be able to breastfeed?

You can definitely keep nursing even if you work full-time! We have plenty of tips on how to establish a good pumping routine, the best pumping supplies to have on hand, and a VERY IMPORTANT overview of your legal rights as a pumping mom!

Know Your Rights: Pumping in the Workplace

Pumping Counts Too: A Working Mom's Story

Working Mamas Must-Have Pumping Supplies

I've got a handle on breastfeeding and would really like to rejoin normal society. What can I wear? What can I eat? Can I finally have a beer? Am I EVER going to drop this baby weight?!

Breathe, Mama: we've got you covered! There are plenty of cute clothes you can wear that make it easy to nurse your babe, and we have a wildly popular pumpkin spice lactation cookie recipe that even your non-nursing friends will be begging for. YES, you can have that beer, and probably another drink, as well! And definitely bookmark this great post on getting in shape while breastfeeding!

Nursing Wear for the Mama on the Go

Pumpkin Spice Lactation Cookies

Pumping it Up!

You Can Drink That?!

I've decided to nurse beyond a year, but I don't know anyone else who's breastfed for that long. What's it like?

What a wonderful thing to do for your child! Though it may not seem like it, you're in great company! Important things to consider if you're going to practice extended (or "biological") breastfeeding are: how to tell the difference between weaning and a nursing strike, knowing the facts so you can answer the skeptics, setting boundaries with an increasingly communicative and independent toddler, and whether to tandem nurse if another baby is on the way!

Breastfeeding After One

My Baby Isn't Even One.... Is He Weaning?

Boundaries and the Breastfed Toddler

Dinner For Two?

Everyone seems to have an opinion about my decision to breastfeed or nurse in public. I feel so alone sometimes....

We totally get it. That's why we talk about our first experience nursing in public (and later without a cover! GASP!), that time someone reported our beautiful nursing photo, and we highlight some of the amazing breastfeeding art and imagery out there.

5 Awesome Breastfeeding Posters

My First Time Breastfeeding in Public

Someone Reported Your Picture For....

Phew! We've had a busy year with all these boobs and babies! And we have even bigger plans for next year! From the bottoms of our hearts, thank you so much for your interest, support, and incredible feedback! Please stay tuned this month for lots of fresh topics, giveaways, and more exciting changes!

And tell us what topics you'd like to see us cover on the blog, or contact us to become a regular or occasional author! Nurse on, mamas!

Dinner for Two?

Lots of questions have come up in my mind as I try to plan for the arrival of our newest nursling. I'm fairly certain C will jump right back on this milk train and I'm totally fine with that but then I remember how difficult it was trying to get the hang of nursing a newborn. I figure I have two options:

1. I can use it as an opportunity to teach my oldest some boundaries

2. I can get creative, toughen up and enjoy the only time I will get to

nurse all of my children at once :)

If we go with door #1, I imagine Dad will have to help out a little more and be my wing man. Unfortunately, he has to work, too so I will still need to be a little creative. How can I distract him from boobies (Is it really possible to distract a man of any age from them, I mean - come on?!) without him feeling rejected? How can he still feel special even though he isn't getting a lot of extra snuggle time with mommy?

• Busy Box - Have a box of toys, coloring books or other special things that he will only get to play with when mommy is nursing sissy. Maybe this way, he will look forward to my nursing sessions with her instead of dreading them.
• Double Up With Story Time - Use nursing time to read him a book or two...or four.....depending on how long we are nursing and what his attention span can handle. I figure with this method, maybe he will feel like he still gets to share time, he's still close to me and sissy and he can feel more involved instead of maybe isolated or turned away.
• Big Boy Snack - Give him a special snack like organic fruit snacks or sweet roasted chickpeas that are healthy but sweet and something that he wouldn't normally get to snack on unless we're nursing.
• Mommy's Helper - Even at 18 months, my little dude is pretty good at following directions and helping out. When he's two, hopefully this won't magically go away, (pretty please, Lord...let it remain!) and he can bring my boppy, water, granola bar or whatever else mommy might need. This, in addition to being borderline child labor, may make him feel like an important part of the process.

If we go with door #2, while it may not be practical, my heart may actually explode from all the cuteness and love I will experience at once. I have always and I mean it...always,  from the first time I walked into a patient's room in L&D and saw her nursing her one hour old baby and her three year old, always wanted to nurse my newborn and my toddler together. There is just something so special about quite literally pouring out so much love at one time. Now, I always said that I wasn't sure if there was enough food in the world to nourish me pregnant and nursing. Come to find out there is. I also wonder if there is enough food in the world to nourish me nursing two hungry babies at once. I guess we will find out. Yes, realistically, if all things go as planned, we should find out. Will I be sore? Probably. Will I be beyond exhausted, absolutely. Will I have this moment to look back on for the rest of my life and even if we don't succeed for long, be able to be a witness to other mothers who doubt if they could do the same thing? Yes, yes, yes. 

I'm sure there'd be benefits to both and we may will not be able to see all sides until we are faced with it and deal with whatever may come. As much as we sometimes fight our children finding their independence, it may be a good opportunity for C to learn how to share more, to help more and to know that mommy doesn't love him any less just because sissy is here now. On the other hand, what better way to bond with your sister than to hold her hand while snuggled on mommy's chest? What if my princess is a slow gainer like C was? It may not hurt to have him boosting my supply by increasing that demand and creating a more substantial supply of hind milk for her to bulk up with. 

As it has been all along, C is the boss of our breastfeeding relationship. It seems like every time I think it's over, he proves me wrong. Every time I have wanted to give up, he gives me a reason to trudge on. Time will tell and I'll be here to share the adventure.

Til next time, mamas.

Keep Calm and Nurse On

~ Jessica

Hang In There, Mama

As I nursed my 16-month-old son to sleep tonight, I thought about what I wanted to write. I could provide useful tips for recognizing low supply, or share my experience with tongue ties, or recommend light and fashionable summer nursing outfits, but I find myself thinking of all the new mothers I know. These are women with fresh and screaming newborns, women with the undisguised tone of desperation and terror in their voices and online posts. I do what I can to help, but repeatedly, I find myself falling back on the most vapid of encouragement:

Hang in there, Mama.

I HATED hearing that when I was living through the horror of new motherhood. Did my more experienced mommy friends really have NOTHING more to offer me than that? No magic bullet solution, no sage advice, no eternal wisdom, or even a trendy mothering "hack" with its own catchphrase and a few blogs devoted to it? That's all you've got for me? "Hang in there????"

But when you've checked and rechecked that newborn's diaper, when you've swaddled him 18 different ways with at least as many blankets, nursed through the excruciating pain and STILL offered the breast after an hour of continuous latching, and tried any number of expensive gadgets that promise to calm your baby, there's only one thing left to do, and that's to hang in there.

One day, you'll be here.

The day will come when your toddler blows kisses to Daddy when it's time for bed. He'll latch onto your no-longer-painful nipple and do an odd planking motion before settling in and draping an arm over your breast as though it's a pillow. After a few minutes, he'll be out and you'll wait to put him in the crib just so you can enjoy a few more moments of precious snuggles.

When he bumps his head on the playground, your breast will calm him, and you won't feel any self-consciousness about nursing him like that out in the open. In fact, you'll see another mother smile at you, and you'll smile back.

One day, you'll put away that stupid pump for the last time, and just feed your toddler when he signs for milk, asks to nurse aloud, or reaches for your shirt. Your supply will adjust perfectly fine and the thought of not having enough milk won't even occur to you.

When your child's unique personality begins to emerge, when he runs and dances and makes faces and blows raspberries and shows you his belly button, you'll marvel that you grew this little person with your body. That as biologically mundane and culturally sensationalized as breasts are, yours were almost solely responsible for the life, growth, and development of another human.

And the memory of that first week and first month will be a distant battle scar, one you share any time your new-mommy friends cry "Is it really this hard?!" Even though you'll be forced to answer "Yes," you can also say,

".... but it gets better."

"Hang in there, Mama."

Relax and Enjoy the Journey

I'm a very Type A personality. Some might say I'm a bit high strung at times. I prefer intensely passionate. As a first time mom, I wanted to be sure I did everything right. Or at least what I considered to be the "right" way of doing things. Breastfeeding was especially important to me and I got a little overwhelmed with worry. Worry about feeding her enough. Worry about my supply. Worry about enough wet and dirty diapers. Worry about how long it had been since I fed her. I used a tracking app religiously for almost her entire first year of life. I needed to know (down to the minute) how long she nursed, on what side, at what time. In hindsight, it was over the top.

As time went on, I stopped worrying about some things, but my old worries were replaced by new worries. Now I worried that my supply might be slipping since my breasts didn't feel as firm, especially as she went longer between feedings. I worried that she would never learn to sleep on her own without nursing to sleep. I worried that she would hate solid food and want to nurse forever. Okay, some days I still worry about that one.

As I talk with new moms about their breastfeeding concerns and worries, I see that so many moms worry about common things that are usually just sapping our already low supply of energy. With all the Booby Traps out there, it's easy to get caught up in a cycle of self-doubt and worry. After nursing for 17 months (and still going strong!), I've learned many things. One of the most important things I've learned is that most of the time, the fears are unfounded and a waste of time and precious energy. Are there some women who will legitimately have struggles with low supply or baby gaining "enough" weight? Sure. But these tend to be the exception, not the rule.

For most women, we can breastfeed our nurslings knowing that we are giving them everything they need. Instead of worrying about potential problems, enjoy the journey of breastfeeding. Each and every day is special, and we never know which one will be the last. So enjoy every aspect of your breastfeeding journey. Your hurdle might be the success story that another mama needs to get past the same thing. And remember...

Source

Traveling with a Breastfed Toddler

Last month my husband and I traveled with our daughter across the country for a wedding. Since we knew about the trip far in advance I had plenty of time to research/freak out about what it would be like to fly with a 14 month old child.

Now, I'm sure there are those who would disagree, but I think that's probably the hardest age to travel with. These days Boo is eager to walk/run/tumble around so she's less satisfied staying put than a baby would be.  But her attention span is probably about 3 minutes so she's not as easy to keep entertained as an older toddler would be.  With these things in mind I began my quest to plan our trip.  The strategies below are what worked for us on a plane, though I'm sure some of the ideas could be relevant for road trips, too, as well as for any toddler regardless of how they are fed. If you're planning to travel for the upcoming holiday weekend I'm hoping these tips help you out!

Planning the Trip

Consider whether you need a passport for your tot. We decided to go ahead and get one rather than take her birth certificate with us. The best way to do this is to take terrible, out-of-focus pictures then wait until exactly the six week deadline to send them in. This way your anxiety will grow as you wait for the passport to arrive two days before you leave for the trip.

Um...child, can you please sit still?

Experts say the best time to get airline tickets is 6-7 weeks before your departure. I use Kayak to look for tickets and I like their graph thingy (that's the technical term for it) that advises you whether to buy or wait.

Some parents have shared they prefer short layovers to long, but hear this: schlepping your early walker and all their stuff through the airport is no small thing. Better safe than sorry with layover time in my opinion. An hour or more is ideal.

The next big decision is whether or not to purchase a seat for your bug or hold him in your lap.  This was a no-brainer for us: there was absolutely no way Boo would sit in my lap for a 6 hour flight. She's not in love with her car seat, either, but when she was in it I could focus my energy on entertainment rather than restraining her from grabbing the passenger's hair in front of her. 

In terms of timing, there truly is no perfect time of day to drive an hour to the airport, spend an hour or more checking in and going through security, sit on the plane for x hours (for us it was two legs, 1.5 hours and 5.5 hours), then spend several more hours to disembark, get your crap, and find your way to your destination. If you have a long leg like we did, you could consider taking a gamble and booking a red-eye. We were fortunate in that Boo slept for about half our red-eye, which meant we got to sleep, too (or at the very least simply sit instead of making funny faces, singing songs, reading books, etc.). In the end we were glad we did it even though it interrupted all of our sleep patterns. Not only was the flight cheaper, but it also gave us an extra day of vacation to see some fun sights in the city without needing to pay for another night in a hotel. Take heed: there were a few screaming kiddos on board so it is possible that your child will refuse to sleep and act like the world is coming to an end. Honestly it probably upset the parents more than those around them. Fortunately the engine noise dulled the sound of the cries.  We also brought a tub of cheap earplugs to offer to those sitting in the rows around us (no adorable pinterest baggies here....we weren't aiming for cuteness, just for people to hate us less).

Packing for the Trip

Goodness gracious. I must have combed the internet a gajillion times making sure I had every magic

bullet to keep Boo happy on our long flight. I found some helpful advice here and here.  We ended up checking two bags (our pack and play was in one of them along with Boo's clothes and stuff) and carrying three on (though we condensed it to two on the way home).

One carry-on had diapers, wipes, a change of shirt for me as well as a change of clothes for Boo, and miscellaneous other necessities. This carry-on was used more during the day so we stashed it overhead during the flight.

I used a 31 tote bag for our other carry-on. I put it on the floor in front of Boo's seat and loved how easy it was to access stuff because of the open top. I also liked all the outer pockets for things like binkies, her sippy, lovey, etc.  As I was pondering what to bring I contemplated Boo's obsessions. Things she truly loves. Number one: touching. Touch and feel books are her jam. We raided the library for some new, never-before-seen-by-her titles and kept them top secret until plane time.

Touch and Feel Farm     Biscuit's Pet and Play Easter
I Like Fruit     Little Feet Love

 Number two thing Boo loves: turning pages. On the flight she wanted to read these over and over again (which was fortunate since she only slept for 30 minutes the entire first travel day).

These titles have twice as many pages as most board books.
Hippopposites       Up Close

Boo also loves food. We tried to pack food that was mess free or would at least take a long time to eat, like blueberries, string cheese, clementines, and of course, pouches. Love #4 would be pushing buttons, hence the old cell phone and calculator we stashed in the tote pockets. The 3 Little Pigs toy you see in her bag was recommended by a friend. It has 3 houses, 3 pigs, and a wolf. All the parts can nest inside the big house, which has a handle for carrying. It was a lot of play potential for the small space it took up in the bag. (Boo didn't end up loving it, but now that she's 15 months and in the "put in take out" phase it's a bigger hit.)

One thing I didn't do that probably would have been a huge success was raid the dollar store for little knick-knacks like a spiky ball or other novel thingamabob.

It's tough not to pack an entire arsenal of toys and necessities, but remember that you and your mate are the only ones who will be lugging all this stuff around (and retrieving it from beneath seats on the plane). Try to be choosy about the toys/books/snacks you take and know that last minute purchases in the airport or at your destination can help you out if you end up forgetting anything.

Travel Day

We knew we were renting a car during our trip so we took our car seat which Boo also rode in during our flights.  To get everything through the airport we used our stroller. It isn't light, but that didn't matter to us. We were able to toss our car seat on top (it didn't click in but stayed nestled in the seat just enough to stay put). We put the tote on top of the car seat and stuck the other carry-on in the bottom basket of the stroller. I wore Boo so I had hands free to pull our checked luggage into the airport. (Wearing her was also handy when she needed to shut out the stimuli of the airport and nap on me.)

I was intentional about my duds. I wore comfy jeans, comfy flats (oh my word they are my obsession), and layers comprised of a nursing tank, thinner tank on top, cardigan, and infinity scarf. That way I wouldn't have to suffer through feeling hot, but I could still feel covered when I was NIP.

After checking our bags and heading to the gate, we let Boo race around like a banshee. She was very friendly and it gave us time to show passengers at our gate how adorable this little pumpkin was before she might blow out their eardrums on the plane.

I was hesitant about utilizing the family pre-boarding that Delta offered, but we did it and were so
glad. It gave us plenty of room to secure her car seat in the plane and time to get situated. Plus she loved watching everyone board. It was worth losing the running around time in my opinion.

I'd heard a lot about nursing during takeoff and landing to help with ears popping. However Boo never seemed bothered by that, plus she was too interested in everything going on outside the window anyway. Nursing did come in handy when she was over-stimulated in the airport and needed to wind down. Her favorite position is to sit upright on my knee and nurse like that. She loved playing with my scarf while she nursed and it was a helpful way to block out the world so she wasn't too distracted while she was breastfeeding.

I had packed TSA's guidelines for traveling with an infant as well as our airline's breastfeeding policy because of recent BF mishaps in the news, but I didn't need them. From security to boarding to the flight itself, it was the best travel experience we've had. I guess having an adorable tiny person with you tends to charm everyone in your path.

Well, that's it for my probably way-too-detailed account of our recent travel adventures. Just FYI, I wasn't paid to include any products in this post, though some of the links to the items I used are affiliate links. I hope the vacation you're planning goes as smoothly as ours did! It was definitely the most exhausting trip I've ever experienced, but it was immeasurably better than I anticipated.

Bon voyage!

If I would have written myself a letter...

...with what I know now, what I'm doing now, and read it before all of this started, I would have laughed. Hard. I breastfeed my toddler and even though I thought he was ready to wean, (a few times), he is nowhere near done. The kink in this whole thing is, when I try to hand express, there's hardly anything there!

Is it ok to comfort nurse my toddler?

I really struggle with this for some reason. Some days, I feel like a super-mom for continuing to nurse him but other times I feel like just the opposite and that I'm using nursing him as a crutch to delay learning other coping mechanisms. Toddler trips and bangs his head: whip out the boob. Toddler isn't feeling great: snuggle and snack all day in bed. Then the thoughts come full circle and I realize that I am a good mom. The same people who side-eye me when I even talk about breastfeeding my son beyond a year, compliment me on how happy he is, how well-behaved he is, how healthy he looks. Would all of this be if he wasn't still nursing? 

Let's dissect this for a moment, shall we?

Toddler bangs his head and wants to nurse. Toddler nurses. Toddler feels better. ===> Weirdo Mom With No Coping Skills or Awesome Partnership?

Toddler is sick and wants to nurse all.day.long. Toddler nurses. Toddler feels better. ===> Weirdo Mom With No Coping Skills or  Super Efficient Way to Get Toddler Antibodies and Fluids at the SAME TIME?

So I guess I answered my own questions. In my mind, there's no difference in my son using me or a blanket/toy/[insert other lovie here] when he's down, ill, hurting (physically or emotionally). Actually, there is a difference. The lovie isn't going to provide DHA, immunity, a strong bond. Like any lovie, he will grow out of me eventually but for now I will enjoy it. I just have a hard time believing that one of these is more ok than the other: 

15.5 months vs 6 months

Til Next Time, Mamas

Keep Calm and Nurse On

Breastfeeding After One

When I was a first time Mom I distinctly remember going to a La Leche League meeting solely so I could ask them about my son, Mason's eating habits. He was just over one and was eating little to no solids. It didn't seem like he was trying to wean and was absolutely obsessed with Mama's Milk.


They explained to me that it was completely normal which I had no idea because it seemed like with all the information I was getting that he should be eating mainly solids and weaning.

But the truth is that just because your baby hits one doesn't mean that some magic switch goes off and your baby will stop nursing and start eating a ton of food and wean.

And that's completely okay!

My son primarily nursed for the first 18 months of his life. We offered him food but he was just way more interested in mama's milk and he thrived. The more I learned and connected with other breastfeeding moms the more I realized that it was okay and normal!

In fact in many parts of the world it would be ABNORMAL if Mason had suddenly weaned himself at a year.

Figure 1. A comparison of age at weaning in the United States and in 64 traditional societies. Reproduced from Stuart-Macadam & Dettwyler (1995).

In traditional societies around the world the average age of weaning is around 3 years old.

Nursing after a year can be a completely different journey than the first year. At times it may seem like they're weaning but they're most likely not. It's just different breastfeeding a child over the age of one. They're more active than ever before. They're soaking so much in. It may seem like they don't have time to nurse but that will change, it will come and go in stages until one day you've nursed you're little one for the last time and you may not have even realized it was the last time. 

I don't remember the last time that I nursed Mason when he was a little over 2 years old. We had some special circumstances going on and I was overwhelmed by other things going on in my life and that is something I regret, something I wish I could change.

I wish I had a snapshot of that moment, the last time he nursed so that I could save it forever.

Sometimes while you're nursing it can seem like it's never going to end that you'll be nursing your child until he goes off to college but that's not the case. It will end but you don't have to rush it, not if you don't want to and certainly not because our society makes us feel like "it's time".

It's time when you say it's time.

Full Term Breastfeeding -- Wordless Wednesday

I breastfed my oldest child until he was about 26 months aka 2 years and six months old. I'm not afraid to say that. I say it loud and proud.

I breastfed my son until he was over two. and this is why

Learn More here.

A Tale of Two Weaners

I always said, even before I was pregnant, that I would breastfeed for a year or until my baby got teeth. My son has four teeth, turns one this month and we are still breastfeeding. Now, we were lucky enough that the two top teeth didn't erupt until last week, so it's not like I have been nursing a piranha for six months, but we have had our share of love bites and teaching moments. As the year mark started to sneak up on us, I realized that I wasn't particularly ready to stop. He was losing interest, slowly but surely, but this mama wanted to keep nursing for another year. Then, nature helped make our decision.

A few weeks ago, I was sick (with some respiratory crud that I am fairly certain got brought home from daycare) and at the same time was getting my first period in nineteen months. Nineteen glorious months. Those lovely things, combined with work stress, caused my supply to plummet. I also realized that C was creating less of a demand on my supply making it dwindle. I came to peace with our mutual decision. I decided to take a middle ground: Keep nursing when he wants it but taper off pumping at work and provide mostly whole organic cow milk while we are apart. 

With that decision came all sorts of fears and questions...

• Will he still want to nurse when I'm there?
• What if he doesn't want the cow milk?
• Will he be able to sleep without nursing first?
• What if he doesn't really want to stop?
• ...and more...

We are a week in to this transition and all is going well. He nurses when he wants and I've dropped pumping sessions at work down to once per 12 hour shift. The great thing is that even though I'm not busting out of my top at work, I am still full in the morning and evening when he wants to nurse. Boobies are so smart.

photo by Tara Star Photography

I got a wide range of comments from friends and family when I shared our decision, ranging from congratulations on getting my body back to myself, commendation for making it so far and condolences that it was ending so soon. I'm still not sure what to make of all of it. On one hand, I am very proud that I managed to exclusively breastfeed my son for as long as I have. Yes, it's nice to be able to leave him with his dad or grandma for longer periods now that he is not so dependent on me, but I already miss him not being so dependent on me. I am glad that he is growing up and becoming more independent but I want him to stay my baby forever. One thing I'm not sure how to take are the condolences. I am happy to say that I provided my son with the best nutrition I could for as long as he wanted it...and he's not done yet! We will keep going as long as he wants to nurse.

Weaning can be difficult, but so far, we are having a smooth transition and I hope it continues. I secretly (or not so secretly) hope that if he is completely weaned by the time baby #2 gets here that he comes back to the breast so I can tandem feed!

What are your breastfeeding goals? Are they different now than they were when you started? Now that you're maybe closer to the goal that you set?

                                                                   Til next time, mamas.

photo by Tara Star Photogtaphy

Keep Calm and Nurse On

Wouldn't You Like to Know!

We all get those questions.

Yep. You know what I'm talking about. 

The overly nosy but somehow "well-meaning" questions from friends, family, or even strangers. 

I've gotten quite a few of them in the last few weeks and here is how I replied (or would reply if my jaw wasn't on the floor!)

1. "When are you going to wean her?"

   - "When she is ready."

I just don't understand why people are so worried about how long MY daughter will be nursing. One individual even told me it was weird that she was still nursing at 10 months. 

2. "Doesn't she have teeth by now?" ( insert look of sheer horror)

   - "Yes, she actually has 8 teeth now. And my nipples are fine. Thanks."

She has bitten me a couple times. It hurt. But I survived and so did our nursing relationship. I guess I was just too stubborn to let some pain get in the way of my goals and my daughter's health!

3. "Don't you want your body back?" 

   - "I'm fine thanks!"

This one actually shocked me. I've never felt like my body wasn't my own. I've never felt the tiniest bit of resentment towards L for nursing. I love my time with her and nursing is just part of that. 

I'm sure I could keep going. Some of the questions made me laugh out loud because I just didn't understand how someone could think that it was appropriate to ask me about my BOOBS!! Other questions are just getting old. Maybe one day I will come up with a great one-liner. 

What are some ridiculous questions you've been asked about your nursing relationship?

The Breastfeeding Experience I Don't Talk About

I have come to realize I talk a lot about most of my breastfeeding experiences. But there is one thing my family doesn't know, one thing my closest friends don't know. In fact that only people who know are my husband and the few women I know won't judge me.
I nurse my 3 year old.


I'm not ashamed or embarrassed about this fact. The reason I don't talk about it might be more surprising.
I weaned him at 20 months.
Why on earth would I start nursing a preschooler who was already weaned? We weaned when I developed a huge aversion to breastfeeding when I was pregnant. As much as I wasn't ready for our nursing relationship to end, it felt like nails on a chalkboard. I was open to the idea of resuming and tandem nursing. L had always found love and comfort at my breast so I was prepared that he would ask to nurse again once he saw his sister doing it. Sure enough one day after his sister was born my son looked at me with his big blue eyes and put his mouth to my breast. I told him it was ok, his body relaxed but he didn't suck. He had forgotten how to nurse.

Helping his sister nurse

Then one day when he asked to nurse I said yes. This time he imitated his sister in sucking. It was for maybe 10 seconds and when he was done he pulled my shirt up and said " thanks for sharing with me mommy" It has happened a few times since then, and each time has been loving and tender. It has been a great tool for those days when he is having tantrums and is harder to handle.
Some people may not understand this decision and that's ok. When I see my boys body relax because he is getting the comfort he needs. When he is asking for my attention in a positive way. I know I'm doing what's best for him. I don't know how long it will last. But for now I'm enjoying more snuggles with a boy who is growing faster than I would like. And every time I hear " thanks for sharing with me mommy" and I watch him run to play, I smile.

I Didn't Start Here

About a month ago I was participating at a local La Leche League meeting, going around with the other moms on our experiences with all things breastfeeding. As we were discussing different topics the conversation moved to nursing in public without a cover.

I could feel the woman next to me shift. She was pregnant with her first baby and had decided she wanted to try breastfeeding. Her concerns were not whether she would use a cover or not, but whether breastfeeding would even work for her. She looked at me and said "I don't know if I'll ever get there." I responded with, "I didn't start here."

I didn't start my breastfeeding journey as a lactivist.
I didn't start as pro-breastfeeding.
I didn't start as a supporter of no covers, toddler nursing or self weaning.

 So how did I get here?

Heck, I was breastfed for 2 months. I never saw my mother breastfeed, and only saw my aunts under huge blankets. In fact, before I got pregnant I had only encountered seeing breastfeeding in real life 3 times.

3 times!

During my pregnancy with my first when people asked if I was going to breastfeed my response was, "I'll try but we'll see. I'm not going to stress myself out."


So how did I get here?
My son was placed in my arms, the nurse helped him latch and I was in love. The feeling I got from not just carrying this boy for 9 months but also nourishing him beyond overwhelmed me.

My breastfeeding journey was gradual. I would move to another room or use a cover in those first months. Then as the months, my confidence and the heat grew the cover went away. As we got closer to a year I realized it didn't feel right to wean.

Somewhere along the way I found my voice and wasn't shy about the fact we were still nursing. We made it to 20 months of beautiful breastfeeding and my only regret is that I didn't take more pictures. Now with my daughter I only use the cover when she is feeling distracted, my phone is filled with breastfeeding pictures and I'm looking forward to getting to experience her continuing this relationship as long as she likes.

I sure didn't start here, but I'm happy I got here all the same.

On Setting Goals

My very first appointment at the OB/GYN when I was pregnant with my oldest involved me sitting in the nurse's office answering a bunch of questions including: 

"Are you going to breastfeed?" 

Even though I answered yes they sent me home with a "Welcome Bag" filled with formula.

I'm not sure when it was I decided I was going to breastfeed but I knew it was something that I wanted to do,  the AAP recommended breastfeeding until one year so that was what I decided I was going to do.

Whenever the conversation would come up with friends and family members I would tell them my goal.

"I'm going to breastfeed for one year" 

Some told me that it was a great goal, others told me that I needed to make smaller goals so that I didn't set myself up for failure and some just laughed at the idea.

It was those people, the people who laughed that helped me succeed in breastfeeding the most. I'm one stubborn son of a gun and I was going to make it to a year even if it was just to say "I told you so".

When I became pregnant again with my 2nd and my 3rd my goal was similar but a little different, at least one year and hopefully 2+ because that's how long I nursed Mason.

After getting pregnant with my 3rd I started a Birth Month Board and became close with those ladies. There were first time moms just like me who proclaimed loudly and proudly that they would breast feed for the first year, I saw the same types of responses that I got when I said that.

But I was able to provide them a different response than the ones I received. I told them my story, that my goal was a year and not only did I make that goal I surpassed it. 

Some people do better with short term goals. They want to get through those first 4-6 weeks, and then 3 months and then 6 months etc. And that works for them but for me, I needed the lofty goal, I needed the motivation that for me said "You're going to do this, no matter what".

And I did it.

And no matter your goal, you can too.