Feeling Torn

Nora and I have reached that point in our breastfeeding relationship where things are...complicated. I realize each child has different sleep patterns and habits, but Nora's apparent sleep allergy is making for one tired (and often cranky) mama. At 20 months, she's still nursing anywhere from 4-7 times a night. On a good night, it might only be 3 times. On a really rough night, it could be up to 9 or 10. Lately, I've been feeling a bit of resentment that nursing is the only thing that puts her back to sleep. Do you know how nice it would be to have my husband be able to put her back to sleep?! This has prompted us (and by us, I mean more me) to consider some gentle night weaning. We've been looking at Dr. Jay Gordon's method, as well as the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers.

I don't want to wean Nora completely, especially now that what I fondly call "sickness season" is upon us. I know she gets so many benefits from nursing. I also know I'd get lots of benefits from waking up less each night :) However, even after making the decision to start night weaning, I've changed my mind a few times. We know we aren't comfortable with any type of traditional cry-it-out methods, but we are realistic in understanding that there will be tears. At least we will be there to comfort her and attend to her needs in ways other than nursing. My husband and I have been geared up to go a few times now, fully prepared that a weekend would allow us to nap with Nora during the day, as we know things will get worse at night before they get better. Yet each time, we've managed to find an excuse as to why this weekend just wouldn't work. I have been feeling some twinges of guilt, because I know parenting is a full time job, no matter what hour of the day or night.

However, I keep reminding myself that it is okay to think of my needs sometimes, and me being a happy mama will ultimately be better for Nora. Besides, judging by this photo, I know she's capable of sleep sometimes!

So tell me, mamas - have you ever night weaned? How did it go and what worked for you? How long did it take before your little one was able to go back to sleep without nursing?

These are the Moments

I'm at a significant point in my breastfeeding adventure. I've been breastfeeding Boo for 18 months and I'm 14 weeks pregnant with #2. While I plan to continue nursing Boo for the foreseeable future, I do know that anything can happen at this point, so I'm doing my best to savor our nursing moments today as well as memories we've made over the past year and a half. There have been some doozies!

Dumb and Dumber Moment

Photo credit

I'm almost too embarrassed to include this in the list. In the early days I struggled with over-supply. My breasts were engorged, hard lumps began forming, and I developed mastitis. I applied warm compresses (warm water poured into newborn diapers worked amazingly well!) and massage. I also pumped a bit to relieve pressure before Boo nursed so the poor thing wouldn't sputter and choke on the fast letdown. After each nursing session I took that pumped milk...and poured it down the drain. I know, I know. If I could go back in time I would smack my sleep-deprived, bleary-eyed face. The thing is, I had pumped colostrum at the hospital that I wasn't using and had to toss. What was I supposed to do with all this breast milk anyway?

Fortunately I had sweet friends who quickly informed me what an idiot was. I made a run to Babies R Us and picked up some freezer bags for my milk. I never made the same mistake again.

Apocalyptic Moment

In the early days I don't think there was a single 90 minute nursing session that went by where I didn't feel like my nipples were being sawed off, cauterized, then stuck back on with Krazy Glue. Yet there's one moment that sticks out. It was probably about 8 am, though I had lost all sense of time with the 24/7 nursing thing I had going on. I was sitting in my glider with my sweet newborn bracing myself for another painful latch. Teeth gritted, tears streaming down my face, I brought her to my breast. And I howled in agony, unknowingly in solidarity with other moms. Somehow I freed one hand (how that happened God only knows) to grab my phone and called my mommy. "Hey mom." Trying to play it cool. "What are you...sniff...up to?" The wobble in my voice betrayed me. All it took was a "Honey, are you okay?" and I was reduced to a blubbery, wailing, pitiful mess.

Fortunately I have an awesome mom who came right over with a hot breakfast and some grandma love so I could crawl into bed slathered with nipple butter. Ahhhhhhhhhh....

Merida Moment

My first time nursing in public was at a Panera down the street. I busted out the cover, peeked through the constantly collapsing top to try and get baby in position, and began to nurse like a champ. It didn't feel remarkable though. The place was buzzing with middle and high school students just out of school. The chaotic din made me feel inconspicuous so it didn't feel like a breakthrough moment. One that did, though, was the day I figured out how to nurse while I was wearing Boo at the grocery store. I felt brave and invincible, like, "Haha everyone in the grocery store, my boob is out and you don't even know it!" 

Victory.

All the Moments

The funny thing is that while a few of these memories stick out in my head, most of them blur into each other so that my breastfeeding journey is made up of impressions and feelings rather than distinct happenings marked on a calendar. The late nights with my sweet girl where her smell and warmth filled the silence. The nursing mannerisms she's adopted as a toddler, like standing with her bottom in the air as she chooses which side she wants this time. The way she attacks my breast with gusto that causes my family to laugh hysterically every time.


One great thing about the next baby is it's like having a do-over. Of course I know it will be different and this baby will have different needs. But I get a second chance at not being stupid and dumping out liquid gold. I get a second chance at knowing how it feels to have a tiny human nestled in my arms day and night. I get a chance to experience a new set of missteps and discomfort that will inevitably fade into success, until one day while nursing I'll think to myself, "Hm, this is so easy! When did that happen?"

Mythbusters: 4 Myths About Starting Solids

I have a background in education. One of the things that frustrated me most as a teacher was when I encountered families who had received bad advice from other teachers. This shouldn't be all that surprising though. Teachers today are burdened with unrealistic expectations from administration and the state, not to mention standards that change more rapidly than a growing toddler.

I am not a medical professional, so I don't presume to know better than my pediatrician. However, if  the field of healthcare is anything like teaching, then it's possible that the everyday demands of the job may prevent some doctors from keeping up to date with current research and AAP recommendations. This is why I think it's important for parents to do their research (which is not the same as one Google search) when it comes to making decisions about the health of their child. In this post I'll provide a few links to get you started, but please understand that I am not an expert and there is a lot more information out there!

Click here to use the AAP's interactive infant timeline

The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends that parents introduce solid foods into their baby's diet when s/he is about 6 months old. On their website they remind parents that "babies who start eating solid food too early are more lilkely to be overweight or obese in childhood and adulthood." They also recommend introducing a variety of tastes and textures and encouraging self-feeding early on.

In spite of the AAP's efforts to communicate these current guidelines, there are a few pervasive myths out there regarding baby's first solid foods.

Myth #1: My baby is hungry and breast milk isn't enough.

Evidence shows: Breast milk contains all nutrients baby needs up until 6 months.
The AAP states time and again that breast milk is the best source of nutrition for babies up until they are one year old. At around 6 months when baby's iron stores begin to dwindle, introducing solid foods rich in iron is a great way to supplement his nutritional needs. But a baby's need for iron may be impacted by factors like birth weight, gestational age at birth, etc. So if you have a healthy, typical baby who isn't a huge fan of solid foods at 6 months, keep offering those solids, but keep offering the breast as well. It's likely that she will come around when she is ready without her health suffering.

There are some periods of time early in baby's life when he may be going through growth spurts and doing lots of cluster feeding. Frequent feeding is not necessarily a sign that baby isn't getting enough. If you are concerned, see an IBCLC to do a weighed feed (do not rely on pump output to tell you how many ounces baby is consuming!) and ask for advice. This timeline of a breastfed baby has some excellent guidance to help you know what is "normal" as baby grows and develops.

Myth #2: My baby needs solid food to sleep through the night.

Evidence shows: There isn't a link between feeding baby solids and longer stretches of sleep at night.

One study specifically found that rice cereal feedings before bedtime had no discernible impact on infant sleep duration at night. In fact, research has shown that introducing solids too early may make your baby sleep less! Dr. Gold, a pediatrician in Brooklyn, told the New York Times that infant sleep often has less to do with hunger and more to do with learning how to sleep. If you're a haggard mommy zombie who's desperate for some infant sleep guidance, try reading this or this.

Myth #3: My baby can only eat bland purees at 6 months.

Evidence shows: Different babies prefer different kinds of food.

Age-old solids introduction probably looked like a mix of purees and finger foods. Baby-led weaning (BLW) is on the rise today with more parents introducing their baby to solid finger foods before first using purees. Skeptics of BLW are often leery of choking episodes. Whether you choose to do BLW or not, be sure to look up procedures for infant choking. I keep the picture below on my phone, desktop, and have a printout close by for ease of mind. The point is, babies love exploring new foods and textures. It can take  up to 10-15 tries before a baby will accept a new food, so if she refuses, offer again a few days later, and repeat!

Both images courtesy of American Heart Association

Myth #4: Delaying solids can lead to [insert malady here].

Evidence shows: Evidence shows: Delaying solids until at least 6 months benefits mom and baby.  Not all babies are ready to eat solid food at 6 months.

More moms today are realizing that delaying the introduction of solids until at least 6 months has many benefits. What confuses many parents in US black-and-white culture is that guidelines are not intended to be hard and fast rules because every baby is the same, but at the same time marvelously different. We introduced solids to my daughter at 6 months, but she did not really become interested in eating any of them until closer to 10 months. During this time I had moments when I worried, but I tried to remind myself that she was developing at her own pace. Now she is 13 months old and healthy as she's ever been. She attacks broccoli, enchiladas, and blueberries with great gusto and it's rare that she refuses a particular food.

Some are concerned that a baby's delayed interest in solids could lead to speech and fine motor delays. This speech and language pathologist shares her take on BLW and how it has some overlap with an SLP's perspective on feeding.



Like I said before, do some research. If you find some method or philosophy that resonates with you, keep reading! Don't limit your explorations to only reading studies, blogs, and articles that agree with you. As you widen your search and learn about feeding (or parenting in general!) you will learn to differentiate between people who are experts and those who are blowing smoke, and you will ultimately learn to trust yourself.

Someone reported your picture for...

...containing nudity or pornography.

 This is the notification I got from Facebook 1 hour after I posted this picture on my personal and private page.

Someone I know, someone who knows me, looked at this picture and didn't see a special moment. They looked at it and saw nudity or porn.
I was shocked at first, then I was mad. I wanted to tell whoever hit report that they should have hit un-friend if that's how they felt. I wanted to tell the person how much this picture meant to me. I wanted them to know my struggles with breastfeeding. I wanted them to share my accomplishment for making the goal I had set for myself. I wanted to tell them the internal debate I had about whether to post this picture in the first place.
When I booked my daughters pictures for her first birthday I thought about the kind of pictures I wanted. Of course we needed smash cake ones, and ones of her in her birthday dress. When my husband mentioned that he wanted pictures with her I realized that so did I. I had cried a lot in the days leading to her birthday, we survived a year with 2 kids, we watched the most beautiful baby become a little girl, and I made my goal of no formula. I did it! Through slow weight gain,a case of yeast, mastitis twice, I had nourished her mainly with my milk. Just like any accomplishment I wanted a picture to capture it.

When I got the disc with all the birthday pictures,and I saw the look in my girls eyes as she nursed my heart felt happy. Then I debated with myself. Do I put this picture on my Facebook page? I started slow, first my breastfeeding support group, then my local mom group. In the back of my head all I could think was "Do it! This is huge part of who you are, this is how you feed your baby. If this was a bottle in her mouth instead of a breast no one would bat an eye." I took the plunge and posted it along with the rest of her birthday pictures. I'm not sure what I expected, but I can tell you having a friend of family member report it wasn't it.

The upside (and thank goodness for great friends) is the response I got when I called the person out.

To the small minded family or friend who reported my breastfeeding picture. I have breasts. I use my breasts to feed my child. I'm proud of my accomplishment in using my breasts to nurse her this long which was neither easy or without personal sacrifice. A nursing mother is not obscene or immoral in any way. I'm not going to hide because breasts make you uncomfortable. Feel free to remove yourself from my friends list because I don't have time for your b.s.

Before I knew it so many of my friends stood by me. My mom friends, male friends, child free friends, formula feeding friends. They ALL made me cry again and they showed their love and support for me. Because of that I will never be afraid to show who I am , a proud breastfeeding mommy!

Breastfeeding After One

When I was a first time Mom I distinctly remember going to a La Leche League meeting solely so I could ask them about my son, Mason's eating habits. He was just over one and was eating little to no solids. It didn't seem like he was trying to wean and was absolutely obsessed with Mama's Milk.


They explained to me that it was completely normal which I had no idea because it seemed like with all the information I was getting that he should be eating mainly solids and weaning.

But the truth is that just because your baby hits one doesn't mean that some magic switch goes off and your baby will stop nursing and start eating a ton of food and wean.

And that's completely okay!

My son primarily nursed for the first 18 months of his life. We offered him food but he was just way more interested in mama's milk and he thrived. The more I learned and connected with other breastfeeding moms the more I realized that it was okay and normal!

In fact in many parts of the world it would be ABNORMAL if Mason had suddenly weaned himself at a year.

Figure 1. A comparison of age at weaning in the United States and in 64 traditional societies. Reproduced from Stuart-Macadam & Dettwyler (1995).

In traditional societies around the world the average age of weaning is around 3 years old.

Nursing after a year can be a completely different journey than the first year. At times it may seem like they're weaning but they're most likely not. It's just different breastfeeding a child over the age of one. They're more active than ever before. They're soaking so much in. It may seem like they don't have time to nurse but that will change, it will come and go in stages until one day you've nursed you're little one for the last time and you may not have even realized it was the last time. 

I don't remember the last time that I nursed Mason when he was a little over 2 years old. We had some special circumstances going on and I was overwhelmed by other things going on in my life and that is something I regret, something I wish I could change.

I wish I had a snapshot of that moment, the last time he nursed so that I could save it forever.

Sometimes while you're nursing it can seem like it's never going to end that you'll be nursing your child until he goes off to college but that's not the case. It will end but you don't have to rush it, not if you don't want to and certainly not because our society makes us feel like "it's time".

It's time when you say it's time.

Dear Amanda

Photograph provided by SarahCole Photography

As we approach our one year anniversary (eh hum, Harper's birthday) of our breastfeeding journey together I can't help but reflect. Lately, I'm thinking more and more about what I would tell my pregnant self about breastfeeding. So here it is, a letter to my pregnant self from my almost one year postpartum self.


Dear Amanda,

I'd like to tell you that this is going to be easy. And I'd like to tell you that it'll always be just like the images you see of new mother's nuzzling their newborns. I'd also like to tell you won't be tired. The truth is, though, that it [breastfeeding and new motherhood] is hard. You won't always feel the warm fuzzies at the thought of nursing your sweet girl. And you most definitely will be tired.

There will be times that you will feel like you can't move forward, as if you're suspended in time. The pain from mastitis, plugged ducts, cracked nipples, nipple blebs, and engorgement will seriously push you to your limit. Your tears will sometimes stream down your cheeks, to your breasts, and down onto your little nurslings face.

There will be days that you just want your boobs to be just your boobs. You will search to find a nursing bra that fits you like your old standby VS one, and you'll be disappointed when it simply doesn't. You will find yourself defending your choices and answering questions you shouldn't have to.

You'll out-grow the nursing cover and breastfeed in places you never imagined. People will probably stare and maybe even give you dirty looks.

I know, you're probably thinking that this doesn't sound real awesome right now. The thing is, I know you and you're a realist. So I started with the tough stuff.

Harper at 11 months old

Remember when I said you won't always feel the warm fuzzies when breastfeeding your little lady? You won't, but a very large portion of the time you will. The reason you see those soft images of new mothers is because you will have moments of being completely consumed by the love and joy that fills you while nourishing your baby girl. And yes, there will be days that you feel like you haven't slept in a week, but then it happens. That time comes when your little one has a full belly and just sighs the softest, sweetest little sigh. Just those few seconds in that moment will get you thru hours, maybe even days.

The pain. Oh, the pain. You've never been great at dealing with pain. You are, however a fighter. You can and will get thru this. Laugh at yourself and celebrate each and every triumph. Once you've surpassed the pain and the back-to-back night wakings, you'll want to shout from the rooftops that you've made it. You'll want to scream that you are victorious! That is ok to feel.

Don't worry about the bra. You'll have the rest of your life to wear a "sexy" bra, but you'll only have a couple of short years to wear the one that carries your fondest memories. And they WILL end up being some of your fondest memories. Sometimes you'll glance at that bra slung over your desk chair and remember that time you both giggled from her latest gymnurstic move. Or you'll be about to throw it in the wash and have a quick recollection of her grinning up at you while having a snack.

Harper at 11 months, having a snack!

Now for the questions about your choices… Breathe. The questions will not get easier to answer, BUT you will learn to answer them with grace. Just remember to breathe first, talk second.

You will become comfortable in your own NIP skin. Be happy that you can breastfeed anywhere and not have to wait for milk to be warmed.

Finally, once you've mastered the tough stuff and settled into your own nursing rhythm she will be about to turn one. She will be signing for "nummers" (aka milk) and astounding you with her intelligence.
Before you know it you'll be wondering if this is when she starts to wean and your heart will ache for those early days. You've done well. Be proud and savior every moment.

Sincerely,
Yourself

Celebrating a Milestone - Remembering a Year of Breastfeeding

On Monday, I reached one of my goals - I have been exclusively breastfeeding (with added solids) for one whole year!! I'm so proud of our journey and feel extremely blessed that I was able to give Nora the best start in life. What could be a better birthday gift than the bonding between mother and child; lowered risk of cancer for both; and immunities to protect your little one?

Birthday girl

As I think back on my first year of motherhood, some of my fondest memories include the special moments of love and relaxation spent with my sweet babe at my breast. When she needed nutrition, my breasts provided. When she needed comfort, my breasts provided. When she couldn't sleep and everything else failed...you guessed it, my breasts provided.

There were also struggles, namely mastitis, flat nipples, and an oversupply. And of course, we dealt with the usual issues like distracted nursing and teething. I remember being so nervous for her to get teeth that would inevitably graze my nipple (or worse). But we made it through all of the issues and challenges, and here we are on the other side.

Milk Coma

I always knew I would breastfeed. For me, there was no other option. As I learned more during pregnancy and then experienced breastfeeding, there was no doubt I'd nurse for a year and assess the situation. There was a brief time when I was feeling a bit "tied down" by nursing, and thought maybe I'd be grateful for the freedom after a year. As Nora was able to go longer in between nursing sessions, that feeling dissipated, and was replaced by me looking forward to sharing that special time together.

Breastfeeding on her birthday

Now that we're at the one year mark, I can't imagine stopping anytime soon. There is no doubt that the perfect situation for us is to allow Nora to self wean, when she decides it is time for our breastfeeding relationship to end. I know it will be a sad day for me, so I'm trying to slowly prepare myself for it. Now if I could only add a new squish so I could tandem nurse...