Weaning Before You Expected

Breastfeeding my daughter has always been something so special to me. I feel blessed to be able to provide such perfect nourishment, not to mention comfort, for her. I always knew I wanted to allow her to self wean, especially because she had such a strong attachment to her nursies. However, sometimes things change and we have to adapt.

I found out I was pregnant when Nora was around 19 or 20 months. In the beginning there was expected discomfort during nursing. I always found ways to distract myself and push through it. At this point, she was nursing a handful of times during the day as well as 4-5 times each night. Once some of that pregnancy exhaustion set in, it was so difficult to keep waking up so many times. We also decided it might be a good idea for Nora to slowly and gently transition to her own bed (we were still bedsharing) so that it wasn't a sudden change when her sibling arrived.

As time went on, nursing became more and more awful for me. I started feeling so bad every time she wanted to nurse! I developed a pretty severe nursing aversion that I never would have expected. I mourned the loss of our enjoyable nursing relationship while struggling with feelings of guilt over the way I was feeling. There were times when I wanted to rip my skin off and push her away from me when she was nursing. After trying to battle through this for some time, I decided the current relationship wasn't healthy. I was starting to resent her and have very little patience with her. When I stepped back and took a hard look at the situation, I realized holding out for a goal of self weaning wasn't best for us when I was so resentful and really struggling. Breastfeeding is a tandem relationship and should continue as long as mom and baby/toddler are mutually happy. When one isn't, it may be time to reassess.

I utilized the book Nursies When the Sun Shines to help us with the transition. Before we started, I spent about a week talking to her about nursies going to sleep at night and everyone sleeping all night long. We read the book consistently, then jumped in one night. Of course she was extremely unhappy and let me know it, but I continued to snuggle with her in her bed and provided comfort in other ways. It was hard on both of us and took some time, but she finally got to the point where she would easily accept when I told her "nursies are sleeping and mommy needs to sleep, too."

The day weaning was a little tricky, but I also had other ways to distract her. I would also gently tell her "nursies are hurting mommy right now. It's time to be all done with nursies." It was heartbreaking when I would deny her something she had been used to her entire life and she would be distraught, but we worked through it.

Today she is a vibrant little two year old awaiting the birth of her baby brother. We talk about how baby brother will eat nursies, and she doesn't seem phased by that at all. Of course she may be more interested once her actually arrives, and we'll cross that bridge when we reach it. My advice for anyone struggling with a nursing aversion is to give it a little time to see if things improve for you, then decide if you need to change course. Try not to let yourself feel guilty. I think many times as moms, we forget to take care of our needs and they get put on the back burner. While I'm not saying to become selfish and only consider yourself, you must make sure you are a happy mother to be the best you can be for your family. Be kind to yourselves, mamas!

Napping with baby brother

Enjoying a beautiful day on the lake

Feeling Torn

Nora and I have reached that point in our breastfeeding relationship where things are...complicated. I realize each child has different sleep patterns and habits, but Nora's apparent sleep allergy is making for one tired (and often cranky) mama. At 20 months, she's still nursing anywhere from 4-7 times a night. On a good night, it might only be 3 times. On a really rough night, it could be up to 9 or 10. Lately, I've been feeling a bit of resentment that nursing is the only thing that puts her back to sleep. Do you know how nice it would be to have my husband be able to put her back to sleep?! This has prompted us (and by us, I mean more me) to consider some gentle night weaning. We've been looking at Dr. Jay Gordon's method, as well as the No Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers.

I don't want to wean Nora completely, especially now that what I fondly call "sickness season" is upon us. I know she gets so many benefits from nursing. I also know I'd get lots of benefits from waking up less each night :) However, even after making the decision to start night weaning, I've changed my mind a few times. We know we aren't comfortable with any type of traditional cry-it-out methods, but we are realistic in understanding that there will be tears. At least we will be there to comfort her and attend to her needs in ways other than nursing. My husband and I have been geared up to go a few times now, fully prepared that a weekend would allow us to nap with Nora during the day, as we know things will get worse at night before they get better. Yet each time, we've managed to find an excuse as to why this weekend just wouldn't work. I have been feeling some twinges of guilt, because I know parenting is a full time job, no matter what hour of the day or night.

However, I keep reminding myself that it is okay to think of my needs sometimes, and me being a happy mama will ultimately be better for Nora. Besides, judging by this photo, I know she's capable of sleep sometimes!

So tell me, mamas - have you ever night weaned? How did it go and what worked for you? How long did it take before your little one was able to go back to sleep without nursing?

A New Adventure In Breastfeding

I ate my words from my last post, mamas. I said something last time we met about my son's lack of interest in giving up nursing and how our breastfeeding relationship was going strong with no end in sight. I was right in the fact that he had no desire to stop but we ended up having to stop pretty abruptly. Shortly after my last post, I found out we are expecting Baby #2!!!

Now, it has always been my dream to be that mom nursing her newborn and toddler in the hospital bed just hours after giving birth. The first few weeks of my pregnancy, I was mourning the loss of that dream. A lot of ladies can nurse through pregnancy with no problems but unfortunately, I'm not one one of them. I have a history of low progesterone that has caused multiple miscarriages in the past, including while nursing. Progesterone and the breastfeeding hormone Prolactin have an inverse relationship so that the more progesterone you have, the less prolactin you have and vice versa. My issue was that if I continued to nurse, my prolactin would remain high, causing my progesterone levels to remain below the threshold needed to sustain a healthy pregnancy and I'd have a greater chance of miscarrying again.  I had to make a decision and I chose to stop nursing at 16 months and start supplementing progesterone to help the odds and keep this baby.

I really don't know who it was harder on - me, C, my husband? My sweet little angel just wanted to nurse and I'd have to push him away from something we both loved so much. I'd have to distract him, redirect him, have my husband rock him to sleep, all to potentially save this little baby I've never met. Last weekend, I tried to relatch him so that we could participate in the Big Latch On for a second year but he wanted nothing to do with it. I cried. I cried when I saw pictures of my friends and their toddler nurslings celebrating this awesome event for the second year in a row. I didn't fully realize until then just how much I missed what we had.

So now, I embark on a new Adventure in Breastfeeding. I get to experience breastfeeding a newborn again. Another first latch. Another look at a newborn that is sustained and growing every hair on it's tiny and lovely smelling head because of what I make for her to eat. Maybe I'll experience a toddler who wants to have what his sister is having for lunch. Who knows?! We will see in a few months and I'll be taking you all on the adventure with me.

Til Next Time, Mamas.
Keep Calm and Nurse On

A Tale of Two Weaners

I always said, even before I was pregnant, that I would breastfeed for a year or until my baby got teeth. My son has four teeth, turns one this month and we are still breastfeeding. Now, we were lucky enough that the two top teeth didn't erupt until last week, so it's not like I have been nursing a piranha for six months, but we have had our share of love bites and teaching moments. As the year mark started to sneak up on us, I realized that I wasn't particularly ready to stop. He was losing interest, slowly but surely, but this mama wanted to keep nursing for another year. Then, nature helped make our decision.

A few weeks ago, I was sick (with some respiratory crud that I am fairly certain got brought home from daycare) and at the same time was getting my first period in nineteen months. Nineteen glorious months. Those lovely things, combined with work stress, caused my supply to plummet. I also realized that C was creating less of a demand on my supply making it dwindle. I came to peace with our mutual decision. I decided to take a middle ground: Keep nursing when he wants it but taper off pumping at work and provide mostly whole organic cow milk while we are apart. 

With that decision came all sorts of fears and questions...

• Will he still want to nurse when I'm there?
• What if he doesn't want the cow milk?
• Will he be able to sleep without nursing first?
• What if he doesn't really want to stop?
• ...and more...

We are a week in to this transition and all is going well. He nurses when he wants and I've dropped pumping sessions at work down to once per 12 hour shift. The great thing is that even though I'm not busting out of my top at work, I am still full in the morning and evening when he wants to nurse. Boobies are so smart.

photo by Tara Star Photography

I got a wide range of comments from friends and family when I shared our decision, ranging from congratulations on getting my body back to myself, commendation for making it so far and condolences that it was ending so soon. I'm still not sure what to make of all of it. On one hand, I am very proud that I managed to exclusively breastfeed my son for as long as I have. Yes, it's nice to be able to leave him with his dad or grandma for longer periods now that he is not so dependent on me, but I already miss him not being so dependent on me. I am glad that he is growing up and becoming more independent but I want him to stay my baby forever. One thing I'm not sure how to take are the condolences. I am happy to say that I provided my son with the best nutrition I could for as long as he wanted it...and he's not done yet! We will keep going as long as he wants to nurse.

Weaning can be difficult, but so far, we are having a smooth transition and I hope it continues. I secretly (or not so secretly) hope that if he is completely weaned by the time baby #2 gets here that he comes back to the breast so I can tandem feed!

What are your breastfeeding goals? Are they different now than they were when you started? Now that you're maybe closer to the goal that you set?

                                                                   Til next time, mamas.

photo by Tara Star Photogtaphy

Keep Calm and Nurse On

My Baby Isn't Even One...Is He Weaning?

A few weeks ago, a tragic thing happened in our house - I thought my 11 months old was weaning!

"Mom!  I like breastfeeding WAY too much to wean now!"

As it is, my child has a crazy transfer rate and is really efficient at the breast (which I attribute, at least in part, to our late posterior tongue tie diagnosis and revision that you can read about here), so he was only nursing 3 or maybe 4 times in a 24-hour period as it was.  When he started refusing the breast at his afternoon feed and the feeding before bed, I started panicking.  I had hoped to nurse until L was at least two and I was distraught at the thought of not even making it to a year.

Thankfully, he started showing signs of teething (stuffy nose, swollen gums) the next day!  Now, I know you're thinking I'm a horrible mom for being excited that my child was stuffed up and swollen, but now I knew what the issue was.  This wasn't L weaning, this was teething and maybe a bit of a nursing strike.

So how do you tell the difference between a nursing strike and/or teething and self-weaning?  And what do you do if it is a nursing strike and/or teething to ensure your successful breastfeeding relationship continues? 

What you need to know:

1. Babies rarely self wean before 18 months.  Babies self wean when both their nutritional and emotional needs no longer need nursing to be fulfilled.  This means that your baby is primiarily getting their nutrition from solids/table food.  If that is NOT the case, do not assume your little one is trying to wean.

2. Self weaning is a gradual process.  If, all of the sudden, your baby decides, like mine did, to stop nursing, they probably aren't weaning and there is likely something else going on.  This was why I was so "excited, " or maybe relieved when L developed the sniffles and I noticed some other indicators of teething.

Tips for pushing through a nursing strike:

1. Pump to maintain supply and reduce risks of mastitis/blocked ducts.  This is probably the most important (and often time consuming) tip. Even though your baby is taking a few days away from the breast, they will be back!  You want to make sure your maintain your supply.  Also, mastitis and blocked ducts really stink!  Pumping is the best way to avoid them.  Try and pump around the times your LO would typically nurse.  If your little one has no discernible pattern, pump when you start to feel full. 

2. Offer the breast...a lot.  Keep offering and eventually your baby will probably take it and begin nursing like they used to.  It never hurts to offer the breast, just don't get discouraged if your baby still won't take it.  In that case...

3. Use bottles/sippy's as needed.  Most likely breast milk is still your baby's primary source of nutrition and you need to make sure they are getting all of the food they need.  It may seem counterproductive to offer bottles, but unless you see a major bottle preference in the weeks leading up to the strike, you should be okay using bottles or sippy's as needed (just make sure you pump afterward!).

4. Try early morning or middle of the night feedings.  Your little one may still be a little sleepy or (if they've slept through the night) really hungry.  Those feedings are great times to get them back to the breast.


5. Go back to skin to skin.  Even if your baby is older a little skin-to-skin cuddling can't hurt.  There is just something about being close to mom and skin-on-skin that may coax your little one back to nursing.


6. Try different positions/locations.  As babies get older and start developing new skills your tried and true cross cradle or football holds may no longer work.  Sitting L up right next to me really helped during our strike.  A quiet, dark room will help block out the distractions.  Or maybe they just want to try something new, like crawling up to you and helping themselves to milkies!




No matter what, if you don't think your child meets the criteria for weaning and you want to keep nursing, keep at it.  They will, most likely, be back to the breast in a few days.

Have you experienced some sort of nursing strike?  What are some tips you would offer other moms going through the same thing?  Share your advice in the comments below.

Wouldn't You Like to Know!

We all get those questions.

Yep. You know what I'm talking about. 

The overly nosy but somehow "well-meaning" questions from friends, family, or even strangers. 

I've gotten quite a few of them in the last few weeks and here is how I replied (or would reply if my jaw wasn't on the floor!)

1. "When are you going to wean her?"

   - "When she is ready."

I just don't understand why people are so worried about how long MY daughter will be nursing. One individual even told me it was weird that she was still nursing at 10 months. 

2. "Doesn't she have teeth by now?" ( insert look of sheer horror)

   - "Yes, she actually has 8 teeth now. And my nipples are fine. Thanks."

She has bitten me a couple times. It hurt. But I survived and so did our nursing relationship. I guess I was just too stubborn to let some pain get in the way of my goals and my daughter's health!

3. "Don't you want your body back?" 

   - "I'm fine thanks!"

This one actually shocked me. I've never felt like my body wasn't my own. I've never felt the tiniest bit of resentment towards L for nursing. I love my time with her and nursing is just part of that. 

I'm sure I could keep going. Some of the questions made me laugh out loud because I just didn't understand how someone could think that it was appropriate to ask me about my BOOBS!! Other questions are just getting old. Maybe one day I will come up with a great one-liner. 

What are some ridiculous questions you've been asked about your nursing relationship?