Dear Amanda

Photograph provided by SarahCole Photography

As we approach our one year anniversary (eh hum, Harper's birthday) of our breastfeeding journey together I can't help but reflect. Lately, I'm thinking more and more about what I would tell my pregnant self about breastfeeding. So here it is, a letter to my pregnant self from my almost one year postpartum self.


Dear Amanda,

I'd like to tell you that this is going to be easy. And I'd like to tell you that it'll always be just like the images you see of new mother's nuzzling their newborns. I'd also like to tell you won't be tired. The truth is, though, that it [breastfeeding and new motherhood] is hard. You won't always feel the warm fuzzies at the thought of nursing your sweet girl. And you most definitely will be tired.

There will be times that you will feel like you can't move forward, as if you're suspended in time. The pain from mastitis, plugged ducts, cracked nipples, nipple blebs, and engorgement will seriously push you to your limit. Your tears will sometimes stream down your cheeks, to your breasts, and down onto your little nurslings face.

There will be days that you just want your boobs to be just your boobs. You will search to find a nursing bra that fits you like your old standby VS one, and you'll be disappointed when it simply doesn't. You will find yourself defending your choices and answering questions you shouldn't have to.

You'll out-grow the nursing cover and breastfeed in places you never imagined. People will probably stare and maybe even give you dirty looks.

I know, you're probably thinking that this doesn't sound real awesome right now. The thing is, I know you and you're a realist. So I started with the tough stuff.

Harper at 11 months old

Remember when I said you won't always feel the warm fuzzies when breastfeeding your little lady? You won't, but a very large portion of the time you will. The reason you see those soft images of new mothers is because you will have moments of being completely consumed by the love and joy that fills you while nourishing your baby girl. And yes, there will be days that you feel like you haven't slept in a week, but then it happens. That time comes when your little one has a full belly and just sighs the softest, sweetest little sigh. Just those few seconds in that moment will get you thru hours, maybe even days.

The pain. Oh, the pain. You've never been great at dealing with pain. You are, however a fighter. You can and will get thru this. Laugh at yourself and celebrate each and every triumph. Once you've surpassed the pain and the back-to-back night wakings, you'll want to shout from the rooftops that you've made it. You'll want to scream that you are victorious! That is ok to feel.

Don't worry about the bra. You'll have the rest of your life to wear a "sexy" bra, but you'll only have a couple of short years to wear the one that carries your fondest memories. And they WILL end up being some of your fondest memories. Sometimes you'll glance at that bra slung over your desk chair and remember that time you both giggled from her latest gymnurstic move. Or you'll be about to throw it in the wash and have a quick recollection of her grinning up at you while having a snack.

Harper at 11 months, having a snack!

Now for the questions about your choices… Breathe. The questions will not get easier to answer, BUT you will learn to answer them with grace. Just remember to breathe first, talk second.

You will become comfortable in your own NIP skin. Be happy that you can breastfeed anywhere and not have to wait for milk to be warmed.

Finally, once you've mastered the tough stuff and settled into your own nursing rhythm she will be about to turn one. She will be signing for "nummers" (aka milk) and astounding you with her intelligence.
Before you know it you'll be wondering if this is when she starts to wean and your heart will ache for those early days. You've done well. Be proud and savior every moment.

Sincerely,
Yourself

Treating Mastitis Naturally

Mastitis. It's a word dreaded by every breastfeeding mother. Some are lucky to never know mastitis on such intimate terms. Yet others, such as myself, become way more familiar with mastitis than we could ever hope and imagine to be possible.

In between my baby's first and second week of life, I developed mastitis. It was brutal and excruciatingly difficult. Here I was still adjusting to being a mother, learning to breastfeed, and figuring out the nuances of a newborn. Then, for fun, let's throw in the gift of mastitis. Had it not been for my extremely supportive husband and a wonderful doctor who understood my desire to avoid antibiotics at all costs, I might not be where I am today. Nora is 11 months old and going strong with nursing!

I'm certain my mastitis was brought on by a combination of my oversupply and Nora's tongue and lip ties, which unfortunately went undiagnosed until she was 11 weeks.  I cannot stress enough the importance of draining the breast in the early weeks! Because I had an oversupply and Nora had transfer issues, she always got enough milk but didn't take enough out (if that makes any sense).

When I realized what was going on, I started gathering as much information as I could about natural treatments. Because Nora was still so young, the absolute last thing I wanted was to take antibiotics. Her gut flora was still developing and passing antibiotics to her through my milk could wreak havoc on her system for a long time. Aside from that, antibiotic use can perpetuate thrush in mother and baby, and I certainly didn't need any more setbacks!

I kept in contact with my OB's office so they could advise me if I needed to wave the white flag and use conventional medicine. My fever did get pretty high a few times (up to 103.4) but a fever is the body's way of fighting infection and doesn't always need to be shut down. The most difficult part was the extreme pain in my breasts and feeling so exhausted. However, I'm slightly stubborn (huge understatement) so I knew I could get through it. Obviously everyone needs to do what they feel comfortable with, but if you feel strongly about avoiding antibiotics, here is what worked for me.

First of all, do nothing, and I mean literally nothing, except nurse your baby, eat, and stay hydrated! Consider yourself on bedrest. You will need help during this time as someone will need to bring everything to you. Don't get out of bed for anything except going to the bathroom. Rest, rest, rest! Every time you put baby to the breast, use slow massaging motions to help move the milk and the clog out. It will probably be pretty uncomfortable, but it will help work it out. Get yourself a pair of Earth Mama Angel Baby Booby Tubes. These things are indispensable! Pop them in the microwave for a few seconds for instant, heated relief. These can help with letdown and allowing the milk to flow better, which will ease the clog. Some women also find relief from alternating hot and cold compresses. Keep one tube in the freezer and one ready to go in the microwave.

The following can be taken internally to help your immune system fight off the mastitis:

• Raw apple cider vinegar - A tablespoon or two in about a quart of water. You can add a little raw honey if the taste is too strong for you. Add a splash of raw ACV every time you (or rather someone else!) refill your water glass.
• Echinacea - Add 30-40 drops to your water, three times a day. 
• Vitamin C - Taking a megadose of Vitamin C will help boost your system in conjunction with the other vitamins and supplements listed. 
• Raw garlic - Cut 2-5 cloves of garlic into pieces and swallow like a pill. I wasn't able to use this method since I'm awful at swallowing pills, but garlic has some wonderful healing properties. If you can't stomach swallowing the garlic, try eating some food with lots of fresh garlic. 

You can find some additional information and the protocols I followed here and here. Let me reiterate that I AM NOT a medical professional and this is simply a method I used to help beat mastitis. This isn't a substitute for keeping in touch with your healthcare provider and using your best judgment. Letting mastitis continue for too long without getting better can result in serious infection that can lead to abscess. 

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Snuggling with my nursling