Like Every Mom: A Bottle-Feeding Mom's Story

Today, we have a Guest Post from our friend Jessica. Unable to breastfeed due to the need to take some heavy-duty medications, she wants to share ways that breastfeeding moms can support mothers like her.

Like every mom, I have a mantra. It keeps me going when the toddler has thrown off his diaper in favor of peeing on the floor, the only food in the fridge is a stick of butter and some olives, and I’ve forgotten to move clothes to the dryer for the third time.

“I’m doing the best I can with what I have.”

Child, if you don’t want your diaper then sit on the toilet. While I order a pizza and wash the damn clothes again. Screw it, let’s just buy new clothes.

This mantra first came to me long ago, when I was freshly pregnant, excited and terrified. I sat in my doctors office as she listed off all the tests, appointments, and risks associated with this new adventure. In passing, before I left, she said “and you won’t be able to breastfeed.”

What? Well, I’ll do the best I can with what I have. That’s all I could say. Because what I have is Crohn's Disease, and by a stroke of faith and luck I found myself in my GI’s office that day discussing the pregnancy that should have been impossible. But I had asked God for this baby, and that changed everything for me.

Months before my pregnancy and after trying every medication on the market (and all of them failing to control my Crohn's), I was put on bi-weekly injections of Humira and daily high doses of Prednisone. For the first time in a long time I was able to eat, I was able to live a normal life, I gained back the 20 pounds I lost to illness, and I was thriving again. I was getting healthy enough for the bowel resection I would need to remove the damaged part of my colon. And then…. BABY! What an awesome surprise! I thought I was getting healthy enough for surgery, but I was actually getting healthy enough to be a mom.

I would be able to wean off the prednisone for my pregnancy, but would have to resume it again after delivery. I would take Humira throughout pregnancy and after delivery. While these two medications worked beautifully to control my illness, they are not nursing-mamma-friendly. From the FDA:

“It is not known whether adalimumab (HUMIRA) is excreted in human milk or absorbed systemically after ingestion. Because many drugs and immunoglobulins are excreted in human milk, 

and because of the potential for serious adverse reactions in nursing infants from HUMIRA, a decision should be made whether to discontinue nursing or to discontinue the drug, taking into account the importance of the drug to the mother.” 

“Systemically administered corticosteroids (PREDNISONE) appear in human milk and could suppress growth, interfere with endogenous corticosteroid production, or cause other untoward effects. Because of the potential for serious adverse reactions in nursing infants from corticosteroids, a decision should be made whether to discontinue nursing or to discontinue the drug, taking into account the importance of the drug to the mother.”

In a nutshell, the FDA says if you really need these medications to live, then you really can’t breastfeed. And breastfeeding was something I’d never given any thought to until I was told I couldn’t. Isn’t it amazing how badly we want something we can’t have? I was going to find a way. There had to be a way.

Funny thing, there was actually no way. There are some things you can’t just will to happen. Defeated, I sulked with a cake. Because pregnancy rationale always wins and cake is delicious. And I knew I would do the best I could with what I had.

I’ve been lucky. In our breastfeeding-friendly community, I was often the only mom scooping formula and shaking bottles. Aside from a few snide remarks from passerby…. “breast is best!” (Correct reply is “and formula is the best alternative!”), I’ve found support from the village of breastfeeding moms. I know this is not the norm. Formula shaming is real, and it hurts. Don’t we all just love our babies? We love them so much our hearts ache. Don’t look at the bottle, look at the mom. Look at the baby. It’s that same love you share. I promise. 

Here’s what I’d like to ask from you beautiful breastfeeding moms. Let me join your village. I have a cute baby and cake and I’m told I’m a blast at parties. Here’s how you can include me:

1) My boobs hurt like hell. Please, for the love of God, help me. 

Somewhere in all the formula research I did, I convinced myself that since I would not be able to nurse, my milk would simply not come in. Hey, guess what? I make TONS of milk. I was wildly unprepared. I found myself staring at the wall of nursing pads at target, boobs on fire and leaking through my shirt. Tell me to get a cabbage, what nursing pads to use. Tell me not to bind the fiery monsters too tight, and to take Benadryl. And most importantly, that this too shall pass.

2) Invite me to mom groups.

You probably saw me maneuvering around breastfeeding circle at the natural baby store. I’m just here for a teething necklace and damn, I should have probably looked into what classes they do here first. Now it’s all awkward when someone asks me to join and I sheepishly shake a bottle of formula in reply. Please save me from my awkwardness. Could you invite me to cloth diapering and baby wearing group? And let’s have lunch after class. It’ll be fun, I promise. 

3) Those bottles are not going to wash themselves

When you come visit me, freshly home with my new babe, the sink will be brimming with half empty bottles. I’m so tired, I’m so sore, and I feel like I’ve been washing bottles for days. The laundry can wait, we don’t need another casserole. Please, wash a few bottles while you’re here. I might cry with joy, seriously. 

4) Feed my baby

The one thing I have loved about formula feeding from day one is that everyone I love can feed my baby. It’s amazing to watch, so awkward at first. Get the boppy, am I holding him right? This angle isn’t right, adjust. And again. How do I hold the bottle? Am I doing this right?

But baby knows. Baby leads, and curls in for a warm meal and a nap. And whoever is holding that bottle relaxes into that sweet amazing place, mesmerized by my little one. You will love that moment and I want to share it with you. 

5) Offer me some milk 

WHAT. Oh, that’s so awkward! Yeah, I know, but that’s ok. Just do it. I can’t ask you for your liquid gold that you’ve pumped for days to acquire (Or weeks? I have no idea.). But you can just throw it out there. “If you ever need some milk, I’ve got a freezer full!” I may never take you up on it, but I will know how much you care about me and my baby. I need that. 

In return, I promise to always support you. Hey, you know that moment when you just want to cry to someone about your latch issues and not hear “oh, I’ve been there” in reply? I’m your girl. I have not been there. Tell me all about it, I’ll just listen. I promise.

When you’re struggling, I will be your biggest cheerleader! I’m so proud to say my friend breastfed for a week, a month, a year, still going. Keep going. I know you can do it, and I know you need to hear it and I will tell you this every day.

When you wean that babe and shed a few tears, I’ll be right there to pick you up and take you out to celebrate. This is a milestone! Let’s go get you a sexy new bra and drink cocktails. Bring your tiny purse that could not possibly fit a pump, it goes great with that new non-nursing shirt!

We can be friends, see? We can do so much for each other. It takes a village because everyone in the village is different. If we were all the same we’d be quite boring, actually. Let’s not be boring, let’s be awesome together. I’ll bake you lactation cookies while you clip formula coupons for me. That’s how awesome moms party.

Jessica is a full time working mom to one fabulous little boy and his epic head of hair. When she’s not in the office, you can find her cooking up Pinterest fails, cursing at her sewing machine, or coloring on the walls with her son.

Help, I'm Sick!

Last night I ended up in Urgent Care thank to a lovely finger infection I developed.  I'm a chronic nail-biter so it was bound to happen eventually I guess.  I tried some natural remedies first, but they just weren't working and knew I needed something stronger.

After having my finger lanced, I left with a RX for an antibiotic.  The doctor had offered pain medicine but when she found out I was still breastfeeding she rescinded.  I wanted to tell her that I could still take pain medication but because I wasn't in that much pain and didn't need anything, I didn't push the issue.

Depending on how long your breastfeeding journey lasts, it's fairly safe to assume that you'll either get sick or (hopefully minorly) injured in that time. 

Here are some tips that will help protect your breastfeeding relationship while make sure you feel better at the same time.

First,  if you're prescribed anything by a doctor or want to take anything OTC, check LactMed to see how it make effect breastfeeding.  This is an extremely comprehensive database of drugs and their potential transfer while breastfeeding along with any effect the medication may have on your infant.  Bookmark this link for easy access: LactMed.
 
The Infant Risk Center is also an amazing resource for determining the safety of a medication while breastfeeding.  You can call them at (806) 352-0219 or find them on the web at http://www.infantrisk.com/. They are simply wonderful in working with lactating mothers.

You've got to weigh the risks of a medication vs the positive effects they will have.  If you're really feeling awful one does off a decongestant will probably be okay but you need to weigh that against the possible risk of a dip in supply.  This is something you really should consult your doctor and an IBCLC about. 

Also, remember that if your sick, nursing your baby is the best thing you can do for them.  I will help transfer all of the antibodies you are producing to fight the illness to your little one.  Some people may try and tell you that you'll transfer the illness via breast milk (yes, I've actually has someone say that to me!) and it's NOT true.  Yes, being in close proximity may spread illness, but your baby lives with you.  There is a really good chance they've already been exposed to what you've got!

If you're given an antibiotic is is really best if you can begin taking a probiotic yourself and also giving one to your little one.  This will help protect their digestive tract (and yours) and also hopefully prevent yeast, and therefore thrush, from developing. 

Practice side-lying nursing.  No, this won't necessarily help you get better faster, but you can lay down and take a little rest while your baby is eating - and we all know even 10 minutes can be a luxury for a mom!

Stay as hydrated as possible.  Not only is it going to help you feel better, you don't want to get dehydrated since that can effect supply.  Keeping a water bottle nearby at all times is a great idea when you're not feeling well (just wash it often to get rid of germs).

Illness and injury don't have to change your breastfeeding relationship at all most of the time.  Just come up with a plan that works for you and hopefully you're feeling better in no time!

When Life is on Mute: A Mother's Guide to Surviving Depression

I feel my face flush and my ears get warm when she asks me the question.

It was just the third day since my precious bundle had been born.  We were gathering our things to leave the hospital and my midwife came in to have me sign the discharge papers and go over postpartum care with me.

"Do you have a history of depression?"  The words leap up suddenly out of a list of mundane questions, the kind that people always say "no" to.  When I don't answer in the negative right away she looks up at me expectantly.  What's wrong with me?  I am the one who had come out on top of this beast before.  I am the one who fumes at the cultural stigma surrounding mental illness. Why am I acting embarrassed?

I'm embarrassed because my midwife has unknowingly struck a nerve where a paralyzing fear lies dormant: Am I going to be a good mother?

**********

I've journeyed through the darkness of depression before.  You know those scenes in war movies when a grenade goes off?  The soldier is shell-shocked, reeling from the blast.  The film editors pull you into his perspective, blurring the scene, camera jarring as he shakes his head to try to make the high-pitched whining cease.  Besides that noise there is silence.  He watches as the world around him seems to happen in silent slow-motion.  It continues to move forward while he staggers, feet rooted to the ground like lead weights.

This is how I felt when I was depressed.  Glennon at Momastery has another image that describes this darkness: "A black, heavy, murky fog sets in over my heart and my head. When this happens, I do not alternate between super high and super low. During these awful times I alternate between super low and super numb. The fog is so thick that even when I get still and try to find my way home to myself – I can’t."  (Momastery also discusses depression here and PPD here.)

I walked through this tunnel feebly clinging to my faith.  Thanks to some counseling at church, patient support from my husband, and lots of prayer from family and friends, I emerged victorious.  Not victorious like I did a fist-pump in the air as the sun shone down on me, but victorious like I washed up from a shipwreck sputtering and gasping for breath, kissing the ground and thanking God I survived.

Fast-forward to my pregnancy, one of the most joyous seasons of my life, except when doubt crept in.  I worried that I was predisposed to postpartum depression.  Tiny little thoughts would gnaw at me.  Horrible, terrible, awful thoughts.  What if that darkness swallows you up while you're a mom?  What if you can't breastfeed because of this?  What if you hurt yourself and can't take care of your baby? 
                What if you are a terrible mother?

What if you are too numb to love her?

I was tempted to give in to this despair and huddle in a corner and weep.  And hear me now: if you have to do this sometimes, that's okay.  But I knew there was a lot at stake.  So I formed a plan of attack.  This plan has helped me, and may not work for you.  But if you are in a fog yourself, you may want to give one of these things a try.

Tell someone.  I was open with my husband about my worries that I would experience postpartum depression.  I promised him that after baby came, I would tell him how I was feeling instead of shrinking inside myself.  He told me he would check on me frequently and help me find words when they were difficult to say.  Planning ahead of time to talk with each other was important because depression makes me want to cower and hide from the world.  It is a battle.

Give yourself permission to feel everything, except silly.  Don't be afraid of feeling silly for being dramatic and calling this funk "depression."  When I was depressed I felt embarrassed and ashamed, like maybe I was being melodramatic or trying to get attention.  When my husband would check on me it felt awkward to say the word "depression."  It's okay to feel depressed.  It's okay to call it that.

Help yourself.  Moms are notorious for putting themselves last.  Before I had a baby I wasn't much different.  But depressed me was in survival mode, napping when I needed to and asking my husband to boot me off the couch when I needed to get outside.  My faith is my foundation so prayer was important.  I found that drawing, journaling, listening to meaningful songs- those things helped me cope, even though the fog didn't recede altogether.  I went to a counselor for several months and it worked wonders.  Do what you need to do to survive.

Talk to your care provider.  Don't automatically exclude medication because you are breastfeeding.  Talk to a doctor, midwife, or IBCLC about how you can navigate postpartum depression while you are breastfeeding your baby.  They can help you think outside the box about how to care for yourself while making sure baby is safe and healthy. 

As I worried during my pregnancy, I also prayed and remained diligent in forming my plan.  I knew if that murky fog settled in after my precious baby arrived, it wouldn't be easy, but I would be on the offensive.  Depression is an ugly thing, but surviving it is a beautiful thing.

**********

The hospital room seems to shrink and the words linger loudly in the air. Do I have a history of depression?  My arms are warm as I cradle my sweet baby who is depending on me to nurture her.  I will myself to be brave and look my midwife in the eye.  I remember that I am stronger than that darkness.  "Yes," I say out loud, and I finish my thought in my head: but I am ready.

Treating Mastitis Naturally

Mastitis. It's a word dreaded by every breastfeeding mother. Some are lucky to never know mastitis on such intimate terms. Yet others, such as myself, become way more familiar with mastitis than we could ever hope and imagine to be possible.

In between my baby's first and second week of life, I developed mastitis. It was brutal and excruciatingly difficult. Here I was still adjusting to being a mother, learning to breastfeed, and figuring out the nuances of a newborn. Then, for fun, let's throw in the gift of mastitis. Had it not been for my extremely supportive husband and a wonderful doctor who understood my desire to avoid antibiotics at all costs, I might not be where I am today. Nora is 11 months old and going strong with nursing!

I'm certain my mastitis was brought on by a combination of my oversupply and Nora's tongue and lip ties, which unfortunately went undiagnosed until she was 11 weeks.  I cannot stress enough the importance of draining the breast in the early weeks! Because I had an oversupply and Nora had transfer issues, she always got enough milk but didn't take enough out (if that makes any sense).

When I realized what was going on, I started gathering as much information as I could about natural treatments. Because Nora was still so young, the absolute last thing I wanted was to take antibiotics. Her gut flora was still developing and passing antibiotics to her through my milk could wreak havoc on her system for a long time. Aside from that, antibiotic use can perpetuate thrush in mother and baby, and I certainly didn't need any more setbacks!

I kept in contact with my OB's office so they could advise me if I needed to wave the white flag and use conventional medicine. My fever did get pretty high a few times (up to 103.4) but a fever is the body's way of fighting infection and doesn't always need to be shut down. The most difficult part was the extreme pain in my breasts and feeling so exhausted. However, I'm slightly stubborn (huge understatement) so I knew I could get through it. Obviously everyone needs to do what they feel comfortable with, but if you feel strongly about avoiding antibiotics, here is what worked for me.

First of all, do nothing, and I mean literally nothing, except nurse your baby, eat, and stay hydrated! Consider yourself on bedrest. You will need help during this time as someone will need to bring everything to you. Don't get out of bed for anything except going to the bathroom. Rest, rest, rest! Every time you put baby to the breast, use slow massaging motions to help move the milk and the clog out. It will probably be pretty uncomfortable, but it will help work it out. Get yourself a pair of Earth Mama Angel Baby Booby Tubes. These things are indispensable! Pop them in the microwave for a few seconds for instant, heated relief. These can help with letdown and allowing the milk to flow better, which will ease the clog. Some women also find relief from alternating hot and cold compresses. Keep one tube in the freezer and one ready to go in the microwave.

The following can be taken internally to help your immune system fight off the mastitis:

• Raw apple cider vinegar - A tablespoon or two in about a quart of water. You can add a little raw honey if the taste is too strong for you. Add a splash of raw ACV every time you (or rather someone else!) refill your water glass.
• Echinacea - Add 30-40 drops to your water, three times a day. 
• Vitamin C - Taking a megadose of Vitamin C will help boost your system in conjunction with the other vitamins and supplements listed. 
• Raw garlic - Cut 2-5 cloves of garlic into pieces and swallow like a pill. I wasn't able to use this method since I'm awful at swallowing pills, but garlic has some wonderful healing properties. If you can't stomach swallowing the garlic, try eating some food with lots of fresh garlic. 

You can find some additional information and the protocols I followed here and here. Let me reiterate that I AM NOT a medical professional and this is simply a method I used to help beat mastitis. This isn't a substitute for keeping in touch with your healthcare provider and using your best judgment. Letting mastitis continue for too long without getting better can result in serious infection that can lead to abscess. 

This post contains affiliate links. That means I recommend super great products that I use anyway, and may get a small commission for referring you. If you choose to purchase from my link, I greatly appreciate it!

Snuggling with my nursling

Breastfeeding and Hospital Stays

Unfortunately last week we had quite the scare with Baby Girl. Through 2 emergency room trips, 3 nights in the pediatric unit, 7 IV pokes and several more pokes for blood test, I can't tell you how many times I said thank goodness for breastfeeding.

Here are some tips on what I learned from this experience.

1-Breastfeed as much as you can, especially during procedures

There was a lot of concern about Baby Girl becoming dehydrated. Fourtunatly the nurses saw how much she was breastfeeding and backed off a bit. It was such a huge source of relief for me knowing that during a time where I was pretty helpless that there was something I could actively do for my daughter. Not to mention how much easier it was to get her to lay still or comfort her during all the poking and proding. We had one nurse laughing at the acrobatics I was doing in order to get on the bed and nurse side lying just so we could get blood taken. At one point Baby Girl would latch, take a drink and then scream at the nurse to let her know she wasn't happy but she wasn't going to let it stop her from getting a drink.

2- Drink lots of water

See #1. You're baby is going to want to nurse. A LOT! You're going to want your baby to nurse a lot. Even if you think your being a pain ask someone to bring you water. Ask the nurse, your partner, even a DR! You're no good to your baby if you aren't good to yourself. One of the best ways and most simple ways to boost supply in drinking enough.

3-Ask for Help

As crazy as it sounds to me, even though I'm breastfeeding and even with a 10 month old in isolation I was not provided a meal during our stay. And with a sick 3 year at home my husband briniging me food wasn't an option. Knowing I need to eat to keep up with the crazy demand I reached out to my church group and my local mommy community. Within minutes a meal train was set up for me. I can't even tell you how grateful I am to have a group of women looking after me so I could focus on my baby.

4-If you can bedshare

This is something I had to push for a bit but we bedhsare at home and with Baby Girl as sick as she was I didn't feel it was time to get her into a crib. Being close to my baby let us both rest and let her nurse as much as she needed to.

5-Do or Don't pack fenugreek

I sent my hubby home to pack us a bag once I found out we were being admitted. After several comments from medical personal that she was going to " suck me dry" he returned to the hospital with lots to drink and fenugreek. While I'm thankful that my hubby even thought to pack it, less appreciated were the reminders that they give me bad gas and the nightly text messages to take my "fart pills"


We are now home and things are mostly back to normal. I'm always amazed at what my body can do and how well it provides. The only downside to the week long breastfeeding marathon is the uncomfortable boost in supply and return of leaky boobs!

Has your baby ever been hospitazied? What helped during your stay?